Browsing Tag

Terrorism

Joint Force diagnosed with Arthritis

KANDAHAR, Afghanistan — After more than a decade tromping through the deserts and mountains of Afghanistan, the Joint Force has been diagnosed with arthritis, according to a publicly-released medical examination. "We are stunned and…

“Whac-A-Mole: Jihadi Edition” A Hit At CENTCOM

TAMPA, Fla. — The popular arcade game "Whac-A-Mole" has released a new "Jihadi Edition" designed specifically for game rooms in U.S. Central Command's (CENTCOM) Moral, Welfare, and Recreation (MWR) facilities. The game, which involves…

Army Reserve Raises Terror Threat Level To ‘Meh’

THE PENTAGON — The Army Reserve today elevated their terror threat level to "Meh," increasing it from level "*Yawn" for the first time in over two years. The increase in threat level puts Reservists on higher alert for potential attacks and…

Army Bans Whistles To Discourage Future Whistleblowers

WASHINGTON — Following a rash of whistleblowing that senior leaders have called "annoying," "unacceptable," and even "treasonous," the Army has announced a stopgap order banning all whistles on its bases. Whistles are no longer authorized…

OBITUARY: Mohammed Emwazi, AKA Jihadi John

In the afternoon of November 12th, 2015, Jihadi John passed away in the middle of the street in Al-Raqqah, Syria, when he was struck square in the face by a high-velocity, laser-guided munition. He was attended by several scattering and…