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GNC To Release Pre-Workout Dip

SAN DIEGO, Calif. – Sports nutrition giant GNC plans to release a new pre-workout smokeless tobacco product some time in 2015, Duffel Blog has learned. The experimental energy/nicotine product, codenamed "Tobaccosplode," was designed for…

Negligent Weapon Shoots Watch Stander In The Foot

SAN DIEGO, Calif. – A firearm stationed aboard the USS Boxer (LHD-4) has been charged with negligence, reckless endangerment and assault after it wounded a sailor on watch, sources reported Friday. Aviation Boatswain’s Mate 3rd Class Jesse…

Outgoing Commander: ‘I Still Hate You All’

The following address was delivered by Capt. Vince Williams at his Headquarters Company change of command ceremony. Good morning everyone. I won’t start with our battalion motto because the very sound of it makes my stomach curdle and my…

Fort Hood Achieves Record-High 1½ Star Yelp Score

FORT HOOD, Texas — Leaders at the Fort Hood military base in Texas are hailing the 50 percent improvement to their Yelp page that has brought their rating up to 1½ stars, sources confirmed this morning. “They’ve really turned this place…

Soldier Figures Out Where To Put The Tomahawk On His Kit

BAGRAM AIRFIELD — Pfc. Alan McAllister successfully completed assembly of his Improved Outer Tactical Vest (IOTV) last week, after initially reporting difficulty choosing where to place his 16.25”-long Tactical Tomahawk, given the litany of…