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The Writer’s Room

Paul Sharpe

Paul Sharpe

Paul is a former Marine grunt with eight years of experience — specializing in snapping necks and cashing checks. He enjoys blowing things up, making people laugh, and hardcore gangster rap music.

G-Had

G-Had

G-Had hates your freedom.

Maxx Butthurt

Maxx Butthurt

Max Butthurt feeds on the comments of morons. He is very fat. Hate him on Twitter @TYFYS84

Dick Scuttlebutt

Dick Scuttlebutt

Dick Scuttlebutt is a Bird Colonel in Army Explosive Ordnance Disposal. He saved the life of Lord Noseworthy during the Battle of San Luis Obispo. The action earned him a medal from every allied nation, even little Montenegro, down by the Adriatic Sea. His Twitter feed @DickScuttlebutt was voted "best" by your mom. You can send hate mail to guy_fawkes1941@yahoo.com. Or buy his book here: http://tinyurl.com/kdeeg6p

Drew Ferrol

Drew Ferrol

Drew's stronger than he looks

Epic Blunder

Epic Blunder

Epic Blunder is a former deck seaman with an aversion towards open water. He enjoys coffee and bourbon, among other diuretics, and eats competitively.

Lee Ho Fuk

Lee Ho Fuk

Lee Ho Fuk is howling around your kitchen door. Better not let him in.

Jack S. McQuack

Jack S. McQuack

Jack S. McQuack is a veteran who fought for your freedom. You can thank him for his service by jumping off a bridge.

Jay-B

Jay-B

Jay-B is the only member of the team who can spell “antidisestablishmentarianism” and that’s really the only reason he is on the team at all. Admittedly, it doesn't come up a lot, but when it does. . .

Sgt B

Sgt B

Sgt B is a POG, hate him @sgt31b on twitter.

Frederick Taub

Frederick Taub

Mr. Taub is a retired cornet of the Blues and Royals. He is a veteran of Afghanistan, Siam, and Prince Harold's latest expedition to Las Vegas. Hate him on Twitter @fredericktaub

Addison Blu

Addison Blu

Army veteran, writer, nerd. AddisonBlu.com

blondesoverbaghdad

blondesoverbaghdad

BlondesOverBaghdad always lets someone else have the top block, because that's the selfless service thing to do. She'll go to Ranger School as soon as there's a 2-beer per day policy. @BlondsOvrBaghd on Twitter.

Dirk Diggler

Dirk Diggler

Dirk Diggler is high-ranking enough to know better.

Juice Box

Juice Box

Juice Box - if that is his real name - is an active duty Navy man, and YOU'RE WELCOME for his service.

Ted Heller

Ted Heller

Ted Heller is just here to report the news and (on occasion) to relay an opinion piece from a guest author to this site's editors. Instead of hating on Ted, you should really focus your hate on the evil doers.

Rob

Rob

Rob is a veteran of the Iraq and Afghan wars. He performs free labor for The Duffel Blog, because the codes of conduct say he must. Honestly, he doesn't know how he got caught up in all this. Help. Seriously ... please help. These guys are f@$king nuts. #SatireIsReal

armydave

armydave

Dave is a communications wizard of the 4th degree. Having served in Iraq twice, he is pretty good at staring blankly at hesco baskets and getting exhaust samples.

Ron

Ron

Ron is a technical writer and Navy veteran. His background was in intelligence and translation, but now he's paid to write technical manuals that no one reads.

Tony

Tony

Tony is a soldier and veteran of Iraq and Afghanistan. Responsible for over 400 enemy kills, he has consistently "killed them with kindness".

Dark Laughter

Dark Laughter

Dark Laughter is part of the problem, and you can be too. Just type "IKIS" (i.e., I Know It's Satire) at the beginning of your comment on the story, and follow it with a comment that suggests it's not satire at all.

Erik Sullivan

Erik Sullivan

Erik is a Specialist in the Army and always will be. He enjoys romance novels, hitting people while they're playing board games, magnets, goats who beat up other goats, the really upsetting parts of the internet, Werner Herzog's voice and, from time to time, your mother.

Joe Zieja

Joe Zieja

Joe Zieja is a veteran of the United States Air Force, which seemed to be a great segue into being a professional voiceover artist, science fiction and fantasy author, and composer for video games. You can check out his voice work at www.voicesbyjoe.com or his books and publications at www.joezieja.com, or you could just ignore this and read more Duffel. He also just published a science fiction book that's basically a 350 page Duffel Blog article. It's called MECHANICAL FAILURE, and you should buy it.

Kate C

Kate C

The artist formerly known as Marine. 2x Afghanistan veteran so she's a natural born killer (uh, nope!) who can kick anyone's ass (false! she barely achieved gray belt and is, like, super friendly). Feel free to follow (troll) her on twitter!

Dirty

Dirty

Dirty once ate frozen yogurt while pulling security around an ice cream truck deep in a Thai jungle. His hobbies include rock painting, ditch digging, radio checks, and SSD1.

Jake Slager

Jake Slager

Jake is a Marine veteran and registered, voting member of the Don'tstopthe Party. He enjoys long walks on the beach and green gelatin, usually in tandem. He was recently diagnosed as terminally "kookoo for cocoa puffs," but prays for the strength to carry out his last days with dignity. Email: TheJakeSlager@gmail.com Reddit: /u/JakeSlager LoL/SC2: ReignStorm (u wot m8? com at me 1v1 bruh)

John "Whiskey Tango Foxtrot" Mittle

John "Whiskey Tango Foxtrot" Mittle

John Mittle is a former Army Medic with seven years experience. John's favorite APFT event is the thousand yard stare, and has a keen interest in attempting to draw the world's first perfect freehand circle. John often enjoys sitting on the back porch with his favorite drink the "Salty Dog" (double shot), listening to Scottish Bagpipes, while reading Duffel Blog articles.

Merrick

Merrick

Merrick served as an army infantryman in Iraq. He's a surfer from Southern California which means he's cooler than you and could probably nail your girlfriend. Reach him at taylormerrick160@yahoo.com.

The Shammer

The Shammer

The Shammer will be moving in next to your girlfriend right after you deploy. You shouldn't worry, though; he can do better.

Yossarian

Yossarian

Yossarian will finally be able to return home from deployment when he writes enough articles, but the Duffel Blog editors keep increasing his quota whenever he comes close to fulfilling it.

Jack Mandaville

Jack Mandaville

Jack Mandaville was raised on Minnesota nice and subsequently corrupted in the Marine Corps. After his honorable discharge, he went all Kerouac around the country, eventually settling in West Texas where he sold out and took employment with a prominent oil company. He likes to write hate mail to popular fast-food chains in his off time.

The Wolfman

The Wolfman

The Wolfman has been a military policeman in the Army since 2002. After multiple deployments, he has now been placed in a glass case that says "Break in case of war... Or zombies." He does escape from time to time to get you some hard hitting news and moonlight as The Punisher around Nashville, TN.

Bert Brrrrt

Bert Brrrrt

Bert Brrrrt is one of the few infantrymen that knows how to write. His best ideas come when he's squatting over an overflowing slit trench oozing into his boot soles. In his free time, he brews beer and volunteers to carry the 240, because he's an American hero.

Jay

Jay

Jay is a 15-year veteran of the US Army. He will neither confirm nor deny any rumors involving leprechauns. That Irishman is a dirty liar. He knows who he is.

Bravo

Army airborne infantryman, was deployed to Afghanistan, but currently a garrison-dweller. Spends his free time in Alaska hunting wolverines - with a freakin' 12-gauge, what do you think?? Strongly disapproves of President Obama; don't tell anyone.

Courtney Massengale

Courtney Massengale

Courtney Massengale is a distinguished graduate of USMA. His flanking maneuvers are perpetually better than those of his arch nemesis, Sam Damon. Courtney is in a loveless relationship with his wife of 94 years, Emily. While not scheming to destroy Damon, Courtney enjoys pointless meetings, criticizing others and twirling his mustache.

Slab Squatthrust

Slab Squatthrust

When I was 8 years old, my 3rd grade teacher told me I was completely useless. A waste of human space and time taken from those who actually make an effort in this world. She hated me. Well guess what Mrs. Sonderman; fuck you. I hope you die alone and angry. Wait...what am I supposed to be writing here again?

Top Shelf

Top Shelf is a Marine who specializes in growing mustaches, deadlifting in silkies, and picking fights with '90s-era wrestlers.

da kine

da kine

Da Kine is a 14-year veteran of the US Army who is double-tabbed with the coveted Chairborne and Pogue scrolls.

David Brooks

David Brooks

Dave is a former Marine intelligence specialist and PowerPoint pro. He now attends school in New England where he writes op-eds for the NY Times on Tuesdays and Fridays.

sandy

sandy

Sandy is a guy who enlisted in Army Intelligence when he realized his Liberal Arts Degree wasn’t going to get him a good job. When he got out of the Army he was still saddled with the same degree so he just went to work for the Department of Defense.

Stormtrooper

Stormtrooper

"Stormtrooper" is a US Marine Corps computer nerd who enjoys wasting his collective paychecks getting stewed, screwed and tattooed. His interests include chicks, booze and guns. His hobbies include playing video games, building things, auto-erotic asphyxiation, and lying about fetishes. Send in hate mail or love letters to StormtrooperTDB@gmail.com

Howie

Thadmiral for president.

Knee Deep Sailor

Knee Deep Sailor

Ex-Coastie with too much time and cats on his hand.

Joe D.

Joe D.

Joe D. is from your neighborhood. You can find him there when you aren't. All mail can be sent to him at your wife's house.

Pte Bloggins

Pte Bloggins

Hailing from the great white north this Canuck is your typical igloo dwelling, dogsled riding polar bear hunter.

Notorious SSF

Notorious SSF

Notorious SSF is an active duty Air Force officer who writes in her spare time, with the ultimate goal of becoming a full-time writer after her Air Force career flames out. She loves true-crime TV shows, frequently laughs at inappropriate moments, and often gets in trouble for sending offensive e-mails.

NavyFork

NavyFork

The Navy Fork stands for honor, courage, and commit...bah, I give up.

Davies

Davies

Chief of Stache.

Semper I

Semper I

Semper I is why there is never enough hot chow and you get an MRE, why we need duty NCOs, and why we just can't have nice things... Semper I, f#ck the other guy.

SNAFU

SNAFU

I need an officer for a secret and dangerous mission

Mike

Mike

Mike is a former Sailor and was never your Shipmate. Send your waist-down nudes and hate mail to tenpoundcarp@gmail.com

EL COMANDANTE

EL COMANDANTE

EL COMANDANTE is a former Navy Surface Warfare Officer who loves one thing; and that one thing is hating the Coast Guard. He is known in some circles as the only man to get thrown out of BUD/s twice in one year and asked to leave Central America after two years. When in the company of friends he enjoys his own company. He aspires to use his finely honed military background as a screenwriter.

Frederick Benteen

Frederick Benteen

American by birth, terminal Captain by the grace of God.

Ross Magee

Ross Magee

Ross Magee is an International Man of Leisure and occasional Afghan Action Hero. He dabbles in languages and counts among his tongues German, Dari, Spanish, French, passable Arabic and the lingua franca of the world--English. Women swoon in his presence and he is a purveyor of fine pheromones.

johnp

johnp

John will neither confirm or deny information about his life experiences, real or imagined. He was never there, you never saw him, and there are no pictures to prove otherwise. Unconfirmed reports say John was last seen traveling towards the east, crossing the hot sands, being chased by a black camel.

Hammer Lip

Hammer Lip

An Army veteran, Hammer packs a fatter lip than you do, pussy.

fodcheck

fodcheck

Who would ever think picking up small rocks would save millions of dollars? Spending my days ensuring the best Air Force in the world is rock, pebble, bolt, corpse, zombie, and tool free on the flightline.

SaltySam

SaltySam

Are you the fifth column? Yeah, you probably are. And I bet you didn't even have the last real Plebe Summer, like I did.

She-Ra

She-Ra is a Marine Reservist who never looks busy because she did it right the first time.

Loose Change

Loose Change

Loose Change is a Navy Veteran who is a self proclaimed genius, self proclaimed master of Krav Maga, and a self proclaimed economist who attended UCSD, one class.

Little Bear

Little Bear

Wait, I had something for this.

fernando

fernando

Fernando is a former Marine POG, who still plays with Pogs discs to this day. He is a four-time certified expert in the Staple Range, and has been nominated for two Purple Hearts for paper-cut injuries sustained in the air-conditioned Ready Room tent in Kandahar. He was awarded the "Marine POG of the Year" in 2009 for his hard work doing pilot's jobs, and is remembered for his infamous Planizzle of the Dizzle all-hands email.

Shawn Robbins

Shawn Robbins

For the past thirteen years, Shawn has been pirating the puddles as an enlisted member of the United States Coast Guard. He enjoys playing records very loud, annoying his wife with dumb jokes, and pushing personal boundries with his shipmates.

Smelly Infidel

Smelly Infidel

Smelly Infidel had a bad-ass bio detailing his classified missions to kill Pablo, Saddam Hussein, and bin Laden. Along with that, he had a picture of his fancy medals, youTube video of him flying the Space Shuttle, as well as links to the Facebook pages of the last five chicks he banged. However, he just wants you to appreciate him for his witty scribblings.

Zach

Zach

Zach is out there. He can't be bargained with. He can't be reasoned with. He doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear — only patriotism. His existing power cell can run on one tube of MRE peanut butter a week.

Drew

Drew

Once a master of the tow bar, snatch block, and police call, Marine veteran Drew now seeks enlightenment from the fruits of world news, infinite coffee flow, and his insubordinate children. Don't you ever come in here empty handed again, you gotta pay for the pleasure of his company.

Nick Shafer

Nick Shafer

Nick is a seven-year Marine Corps veteran who now spends his time spinning wrenches on British motorcycles. When he is not at work, he can be found racing his motorcycles around on country roads where witches and democrats still get burned at the stake.

Charlie Foxtrot

Charlie Foxtrot

Veteran of OIF, expert in deciphering the BS the military considers "regulations".

Dirty Mac

Dirty Mac

David enjoys being in the rear with the gear and dodging media, while shooting everything in sight (with a camera.) He enjoys growing hops, wrestling bears and tasing idiots while listening to Edgar Winter Group.

Captain Obvious

Justice and Words

Ricky Recon

Ricky Recon

Ricky Recon is a proud Marine, suffering from Multiple Personality Disorder. His team-mates also suffer due to both of his personalities being sarcastic assholes. He was born on the Fourth of July, and his heart beats God Bless America. In his free time he enjoys 12 mile ruck runs, and eating jerky. He also enjoys long distance photography and bird watching, as well as intercepting Taliban ammo delivery men.

armyd

armyd

armyd recently retired from a military career in which he helped to get you in trouble for being late for formation. Now that he no longer has to deal with military budo shittah, he spends his time writing and working on growing his manly beard.

wpengine

This is the "wpengine" admin user that our staff uses to gain access to your admin area to provide support and troubleshooting. It can only be accessed by a button in our secure log that auto generates a password and dumps that password after the staff member has logged in. We have taken extreme measures to ensure that our own user is not going to be misused to harm any of our clients sites.

Justin Coates

Justin Coates

Justin Coates is the son of a Minnesota dairy farmer and a one-eyed dance instructor from Kansas City. He either deployed twice to Afghanistan or just got really, really lost at NTC. In his spare time he annoys his wife and writes military science fiction and horror.

William Palafox

William Palafox

William Palafox is the author of the best-selling The Frog Surrenders, a satire of the French military. He thrives on your cries of politically correct anguish and outrage.

POGtastic

POGtastic requires air conditioning and KBR chowhalls while on deployment. It's in his contract.