The Writer’s Room
Paul is a former Marine grunt with eight years of experience — specializing in snapping necks and cashing checks. He enjoys blowing things up, making people laugh, and hardcore gangster rap music.
Dick Scuttlebutt is a Bird Colonel in Army Explosive Ordnance Disposal. He saved the life of Lord Noseworthy during the Battle of San Luis Obispo. The action earned him a medal from every allied nation, even little Montenegro, down by the Adriatic Sea. His Twitter feed @DickScuttlebutt was voted "best" by your mom. You can send hate mail to email@example.com. Or buy his book here: http://tinyurl.com/kdeeg6p
Jay-B is the only member of the team who can spell “antidisestablishmentarianism” and that’s really the only reason he is on the team at all. Admittedly, it doesn't come up a lot, but when it does. . .
BlondesOverBaghdad always lets someone else have the top block, because that's the selfless service thing to do. She'll go to Ranger School as soon as there's a 2-beer per day policy. @BlondsOvrBaghd on Twitter.
Ted Heller is just here to report the news and (on occasion) to relay an opinion piece from a guest author to this site's editors. Instead of hating on Ted, you should really focus your hate on the evil doers.
Rob is a veteran of the Iraq and Afghan wars. He performs free labor for The Duffel Blog, because the codes of conduct say he must. Honestly, he doesn't know how he got caught up in all this. Help. Seriously ... please help. These guys are f@$king nuts. #SatireIsReal
Erik is a Specialist in the Army and always will be. He enjoys romance novels, hitting people while they're playing board games, magnets, goats who beat up other goats, the really upsetting parts of the internet, Werner Herzog's voice and, from time to time, your mother.
Dark Laughter is part of the problem, and you can be too. Just type "IKIS" (i.e., I Know It's Satire) at the beginning of your comment on the story, and follow it with a comment that suggests it's not satire at all.
The artist formerly known as Marine. 2x Afghanistan veteran so she's a natural born killer (uh, nope!) who can kick anyone's ass (false! she barely achieved gray belt and is, like, super friendly). Feel free to follow (troll) her on twitter!
Joe Zieja is a veteran of the United States Air Force, which seemed to be a great segue into being a professional voiceover artist, science fiction and fantasy author, and composer for video games. You can check out his voice work at www.voicesbyjoe.com or his books and publications at www.joezieja.com, or you could just ignore this and read more Duffel. He also just published a science fiction book that's basically a 350 page Duffel Blog article. It's called MECHANICAL FAILURE, and you should buy it.
Jake is a Marine veteran and registered, voting member of the Don'tstopthe Party. He enjoys long walks on the beach and green gelatin, usually in tandem. He was recently diagnosed as terminally "kookoo for cocoa puffs," but prays for the strength to carry out his last days with dignity. Email: TheJakeSlager@gmail.com Reddit: /u/JakeSlager LoL/SC2: ReignStorm (u wot m8? com at me 1v1 bruh)
John Mittle is a former Army Medic with seven years experience. John's favorite APFT event is the thousand yard stare, and has a keen interest in attempting to draw the world's first perfect freehand circle. John often enjoys sitting on the back porch with his favorite drink the "Salty Dog" (double shot), listening to Scottish Bagpipes, while reading Duffel Blog articles.
Merrick served as an army infantryman in Iraq. He's a surfer from Southern California which means he's cooler than you and could probably nail your girlfriend. Reach him at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Jack Mandaville was raised on Minnesota nice and subsequently corrupted in the Marine Corps. After his honorable discharge, he went all Kerouac around the country, eventually settling in West Texas where he sold out and took employment with a prominent oil company. He likes to write hate mail to popular fast-food chains in his off time.
Bert Brrrrt is one of the few infantrymen that knows how to write. His best ideas come when he's squatting over an overflowing slit trench oozing into his boot soles. In his free time, he brews beer and volunteers to carry the 240, because he's an American hero.
The Wolfman has been a military policeman in the Army since 2002. After multiple deployments, he has now been placed in a glass case that says "Break in case of war... Or zombies." He does escape from time to time to get you some hard hitting news and moonlight as The Punisher around Nashville, TN.
When I was 8 years old, my 3rd grade teacher told me I was completely useless. A waste of human space and time taken from those who actually make an effort in this world. She hated me. Well guess what Mrs. Sonderman; fuck you. I hope you die alone and angry. Wait...what am I supposed to be writing here again?
Army airborne infantryman, was deployed to Afghanistan, but currently a garrison-dweller. Spends his free time in Alaska hunting wolverines - with a freakin' 12-gauge, what do you think?? Strongly disapproves of President Obama; don't tell anyone.
Courtney Massengale is a distinguished graduate of USMA. His flanking maneuvers are perpetually better than those of his arch nemesis, Sam Damon. Courtney is in a loveless relationship with his wife of 94 years, Emily. While not scheming to destroy Damon, Courtney enjoys pointless meetings, criticizing others and twirling his mustache.
Sandy is a guy who enlisted in Army Intelligence when he realized his Liberal Arts Degree wasn’t going to get him a good job. When he got out of the Army he was still saddled with the same degree so he just went to work for the Department of Defense.
"Stormtrooper" is a US Marine Corps computer nerd who enjoys wasting his collective paychecks getting stewed, screwed and tattooed. His interests include chicks, booze and guns. His hobbies include playing video games, building things, auto-erotic asphyxiation, and lying about fetishes. Send in hate mail or love letters to StormtrooperTDB@gmail.com
Notorious SSF is an active duty Air Force officer who writes in her spare time, with the ultimate goal of becoming a full-time writer after her Air Force career flames out. She loves true-crime TV shows, frequently laughs at inappropriate moments, and often gets in trouble for sending offensive e-mails.
Once a master of the tow bar, snatch block, and police call, Marine veteran Calin now seeks enlightenment from the fruits of world news, infinite coffee flow, and his insubordinate children. Don't you ever come in here empty handed again, you gotta pay for the pleasure of his company.
EL COMANDANTE is a former Navy Surface Warfare Officer who loves one thing; and that one thing is hating the Coast Guard. He is known in some circles as the only man to get thrown out of BUD/s twice in one year and asked to leave Central America after two years. When in the company of friends he enjoys his own company. He aspires to use his finely honed military background as a screenwriter.
Ross Magee is an International Man of Leisure and occasional Afghan Action Hero. He dabbles in languages and counts among his tongues German, Dari, Spanish, French, passable Arabic and the lingua franca of the world--English. Women swoon in his presence and he is a purveyor of fine pheromones.
John will neither confirm or deny information about his life experiences, real or imagined. He was never there, you never saw him, and there are no pictures to prove otherwise. Unconfirmed reports say John was last seen traveling towards the east, crossing the hot sands, being chased by a black camel.
Who would ever think picking up small rocks would save millions of dollars? Spending my days ensuring the best Air Force in the world is rock, pebble, bolt, corpse, zombie, and tool free on the flightline.
Smelly Infidel had a bad-ass bio detailing his classified missions to kill Pablo, Saddam Hussein, and bin Laden. Along with that, he had a picture of his fancy medals, youTube video of him flying the Space Shuttle, as well as links to the Facebook pages of the last five chicks he banged. However, he just wants you to appreciate him for his witty scribblings.
Zach is out there. He can't be bargained with. He can't be reasoned with. He doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear — only patriotism. His existing power cell can run on one tube of MRE peanut butter a week.
Nick is a seven-year Marine Corps veteran who now spends his time spinning wrenches on British motorcycles. When he is not at work, he can be found racing his motorcycles around on country roads where witches and democrats still get burned at the stake.
Fernando is a former Marine POG, who still plays with Pogs discs to this day. He is a four-time certified expert in the Staple Range, and has been nominated for two Purple Hearts for paper-cut injuries sustained in the air-conditioned Ready Room tent in Kandahar. He was awarded the "Marine POG of the Year" in 2009 for his hard work doing pilot's jobs, and is remembered for his infamous Planizzle of the Dizzle all-hands email.
For the past thirteen years, Shawn has been pirating the puddles as an enlisted member of the United States Coast Guard. He enjoys playing records very loud, annoying his wife with dumb jokes, and pushing personal boundries with his shipmates.
Ricky Recon is a proud Marine, suffering from Multiple Personality Disorder. His team-mates also suffer due to both of his personalities being sarcastic assholes. He was born on the Fourth of July, and his heart beats God Bless America. In his free time he enjoys 12 mile ruck runs, and eating jerky. He also enjoys long distance photography and bird watching, as well as intercepting Taliban ammo delivery men.
armyd recently retired from a military career in which he helped to get you in trouble for being late for formation. Now that he no longer has to deal with military budo shittah, he spends his time writing and working on growing his manly beard.
David enjoys being in the rear with the gear and dodging media, while shooting everything in sight (with a camera.) He enjoys growing hops, wrestling bears and tasing idiots while listening to Edgar Winter Group.
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Justin Coates is the son of a Minnesota dairy farmer and a one-eyed dance instructor from Kansas City. He either deployed twice to Afghanistan or just got really, really lost at NTC. In his spare time he annoys his wife and writes military science fiction and horror.