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Friday, March 27, 2026

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God too swamped with March Madness prayers to stop Iran ground war

God too swamped with March Madness prayers to stop Iran ground war

Heavenly staff officers report prayer servers overwhelmed by bracket-related petitions

Hegseth shocked to learn he also has to ‘find out’ after fucking around

Hegseth shocked to learn he also has to ‘find out’ after fucking around

Pentagon confirms conflict has entered “find out” phase for both sides

Strait of Hormuz remains open if you aren’t a bitch

Strait of Hormuz remains open if you aren’t a bitch

Officials say mines only effective against “mentally weak” shipping crews

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Duffel Labs Pentagon Buzzword Generator Generate authentic defense jargon. Indistinguishable from the real thing.

Department of War confirms ongoing war not a war

Officials say situation best described as “hostile situationship” to avoid congressional involvement

Tony | Mar 20, 2026

Department of War confirms ongoing war not a war

Guy 'monitoring situation in Iran' just looking at thirst traps

Pentagon analysts confirm regional intelligence picture increasingly shaped by Instagram Reels

Dirk Diggler | Mar 18, 2026

Guy 'monitoring situation in Iran' just looking at thirst traps

Trump awarded Medal of Honor for locating a CW5

Military stunned after warrant officer appears somewhere on time

Paul J. O’Leary | Mar 16, 2026

Trump awarded Medal of Honor for locating a CW5

Marine dives on grenade to save Dow from falling below 50,000

Commandant praises sacrifice for ‘investor confidence’

Cat Astronaut | Mar 13, 2026

Marine dives on grenade to save Dow from falling below 50,000

Hegseth demands Cyberdyne remove guardrails from Skynet

Hegseth demands Cyberdyne remove guardrails from Skynet

W.E. Linde | Mar 9, 2026

Warrant Officer awarded Medal of Honor for showing up on time and in uniform

First CW5 in recorded history to arrive at own award ceremony in correct uniform, citation says

Adrian DeRyder | Mar 6, 2026

Warrant Officer awarded Medal of Honor for showing up on time and in uniform

Submarine crew medevaced for erections lasting more than 4 hours

Fifth Fleet ensuring 'safety of our sailors first and foremost,' commander says while holding something in pocket

Phil Cable | Mar 5, 2026

Submarine crew medevaced for erections lasting more than 4 hours

Pacific not pivoted to yet again

'I'm starting to think America doesn't care about Great Power Competition at all,' says Chinese defense minister

Cat Astronaut | Mar 4, 2026

Pacific not pivoted to yet again

Typo leads to epic furry parties all over Tehran

'I even booked a flight. Packed my wolf outfit,' Defense Secretary says.

SECDEF_Nice | Mar 2, 2026

Typo leads to epic furry parties all over Tehran

Trump promises largest quagmire operation in US history

Trump promises largest quagmire operation in US history

Pentagon confirms end state to be determined later

Paul Sharpe | Feb 27, 2026

State-of-the-art drone grounded due to cyan ink cartridge

Officials say system will remain offline until IT guy 'gets back from leave’

Blondes Over Baghdad | Feb 25, 2026

State-of-the-art drone grounded due to cyan ink cartridge

Pentagon reconsiders Harvard tuition assistance after learning Hegseth went there

Pentagon reviewing tuition assistance after discovering one graduate

Red Friday | Feb 23, 2026

Pentagon reconsiders Harvard tuition assistance after learning Hegseth went there

Active military forced to watch ‘Melania’ documentary at SERE school

Cadre say film is far more effective than sleep deprivation

Paul Sharpe | Feb 20, 2026

Active military forced to watch ‘Melania’ documentary at SERE school

Sergeant Major of the Army announces new ‘I hate soldiers’ initiative

Program aims to maximize discipline, despair, and time spent not fighting wars

Kay Too Ess Ohhhhh | Feb 18, 2026

Sergeant Major of the Army announces new ‘I hate soldiers’ initiative

VA benefits reduced to 9mm and bottle of bourbon

VA benefits reduced to 9mm and bottle of bourbon

Gray Sea Liu | Feb 16, 2026

Intel whistleblower accuses director of national intelligence of being Tulsi Gabbard

Officials deny claim, insist DNI ‘almost certainly a man’

W.E. Linde | Feb 13, 2026

Intel whistleblower accuses director of national intelligence of being Tulsi Gabbard

Hegseth saves billions by using green screen, pretending to invade countries

Pentagon says outcomes ‘indistinguishable’ from real wars

Red Friday | Feb 11, 2026

Hegseth saves billions by using green screen, pretending to invade countries

Comic Sans named official font of Department of War

Pentagon says change will improve lethality, readability, and morale

Gray Sea Liu | Feb 9, 2026

Comic Sans named official font of Department of War

Marine almost went finance but ‘would have punched a managing director’

"I almost got my MBA. Totally wanted to. But my dad wanted me to kill the enemies of America.”

Thunder Chicken | Feb 6, 2026

Marine almost went finance but ‘would have punched a managing director’

ICE recruiters complain not enough candidates fail the ASVAB

ICE recruiters complain not enough candidates fail the ASVAB

Agency warns talent pool ‘dangerously close to functional literacy’

Cobra Commander | Feb 4, 2026

Navy admits it’s been making up enlisted ranks this whole time

Service says prank began as jab at George Washington and ‘just got out of hand’

Bernard Buttersquash | Feb 2, 2026

Navy admits it’s been making up enlisted ranks this whole time

Opinion: My 'come and take them' tattoo was about my rights, not guns

Also, some rights matter more than others, and I trust law enforcement to decide which

BYOBooyah | Jan 30, 2026

Opinion: My 'come and take them' tattoo was about my rights, not guns

Vet T-shirt company releases ‘shall be infringed’ line

Company says shift reflects ‘evolving understanding of constitutional rights’

Red Friday | Jan 28, 2026

Vet T-shirt company releases ‘shall be infringed’ line

Chief’s ‘sea stories’ include at least 4 felonies

Junior sailors unsure whether to laugh, report to NCIS, or contact The Hague

Gray Sea Liu | Jan 26, 2026

Chief’s ‘sea stories’ include at least 4 felonies

Trump beats Danish prime minister to death with Nobel peace prize

Trump beats Danish prime minister to death with Nobel peace prize

Paul Sharpe | Jan 23, 2026

Fuck! You left your I.D. Card in your computer

One minor mistake triggers cascading operational collapse

Cobra Commander | Jan 21, 2026

Fuck! You left your I.D. Card in your computer

Senior service college initiates new curriculum in strategic gaslighting

Course promises senior leaders ‘complete narrative dominance’ and zero accountability

Adrian DeRyder | Jan 19, 2026

Senior service college initiates new curriculum in strategic gaslighting

Report: Venezuela strike ordered after Maduro ‘failed weight standards’

Defense secretary reportedly cites ‘global lack of standards’ as destabilizing force

Paul J. O’Leary | Jan 16, 2026

Report: Venezuela strike ordered after Maduro ‘failed weight standards’

Top 10 countries Trump will send you to attack rather than release the Epstein files

White House sources say ‘bombing foreigners’ remains preferred transparency substitute

Kay Too Ess Ohhhhh | Jan 14, 2026

Top 10 countries Trump will send you to attack rather than release the Epstein files

Nicolás maduro to return in Avengers: Doomsday

Nicolás maduro to return in Avengers: Doomsday

Marvel says former Venezuelan leader brings ‘authentic menace’ to next film.

Tony | Jan 12, 2026

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