Duffel Blog

FORT BRAGG, N.C. — The 82nd Airborne Division's Soldier and Family Readiness Group has unveiled a new Halloween haunted house featuring some of the most terrifying scenarios in military life, including missed anniversaries, mandatory volunteer opportunities and spouses quietly insisting that everything is fine.

"We wanted something that would genuinely frighten our soldiers," said event organizer Amanda Collins. "After reviewing the usual haunted house stuff — ghosts, zombies, chainsaws — we realized none of that compares to coming home and hearing your wife say, 'We need to talk.'"

The attraction begins in a dimly lit living room decorated for Christmas. A soldier enters to find an undecorated tree, unopened presents and a spouse sitting silently on the couch.

How was your day?" the soldier asks.

"Fine," the spouse replies.

When the soldier asks whether something is wrong, the spouse responds, "Nothing."

Visitors are then required to identify what they did wrong before being permitted to leave. So far, no participant has successfully completed the room.

The next attraction, the Mandatory Fun Maze, features an enthusiastic FRG volunteer armed with a clipboard and a list of upcoming family events.

"We'd love your help with the bake sale," she tells visitors.

Soldiers who decline are informed that participation is completely voluntary and asked why they don't care about supporting the unit.

Those who agree are immediately assigned three dozen cupcakes, two car washes, and responsibility for organizing the commander's holiday party.

Several soldiers reportedly remain trapped inside.

The Permanent Change of Station Labyrinth features hundreds of moving boxes, missing household goods and a spouse sitting in an empty kitchen.

"Did you remember to schedule the movers?" she asks.

When visitors respond that transportation said everything was taken care of, she smiles.

"That's fine."

The room then goes completely dark.