Expert land navigator can’t find his girlfriend’s g-spot
FORT BRAGG, N.C. —Expert land navigator and platoon leader First Lt. Keith Knoll is lost on the hunt for his girlfriend’s g-spot, sources say. Lt....
Duffel Blog — The American Military's Most Trusted News Source
-
-
Sgt. Maj. of the Marine Corps says he can quit getting haircuts whenever he wants
THE PENTAGON — Sgt. Maj. of the Marine Corps Troy E. Black screamed at the press today during a conference, saying, “I can quit getting...
-
Mysterious Hero Emerges to Fight Toxic Leadership, COVID-19
THE PENTAGON — Reports have emerged of a mysterious hero fighting COVID-19—as well as toxic leadership across the Department of Defense. The hero, known only...
-
Colonels Gone Wild—War College spring break stirs anger in Florida
PANAMA CITY, FL — High ranking military officers are hitting the beach this week despite concerns about COVID-19. A time-honored tradition for future generals, spring break...
-
Army announces first ever female PowerPoint Ranger
FORT BENNING, Ga. — Capt. Lynnette Diogo made history this week when she became the Army’s first ever female PowerPoint Ranger. Diogo, a West Point...
-
North Korea orders nonessential military personnel to starve from home
PYONGYANG, North Korea — Multiple sources have reported that the North Korean government abruptly ordered “all nonessential military personnel” to starve from home for the...
-
E-4 Mafia designates Sergeant Majors nonessential personnel
FORT CAMPBELL, Ky. — The E-4 Mafia announced today they have designated sergeants major, command sergeants major, and first sergeants as nonessential personnel for the...
-
Young man follows family tradition as fourth generation to almost join military
FRANKFORT, Ky. — Daryl Hoffman Jr. felt pride as he kept the “faith of his fathers” by becoming the fourth generation in his family to...
-
Sergeant Major can’t decide whether to solve COVID-19 crisis with uniform inspections or haircuts
CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. — A local Marine sergeant major was torn today over whether he should solve the global COVID-19 pandemic with uniform inspections or...
-
Space War College struggles to find applicable Clausewitz readings
PETERSON AFB, Colo. — The faculty of the newly founded Space War College is finding it difficult to slip the surly bonds of Earthly doctrine....
-
Jade Helm 2020 canceled over COVID-19 concerns
FORT BRAGG, N.C. — Concerns over the COVID-19 pandemic have derailed Deep State plans to use Army special operations forces to invade the southwestern region...
-
Point/Counterpoint: Lt. Gen. Laura Richardson should do her job vs. Mrs. Richardson should do more for her husband’s FRG
The following regards the involvement of Lieutenant General Laura Richardson, a dual-military spouse, in her husband’s Family Readiness Group. The point is presented by Lt....
-
Pentagon vows to upgrade burn pits into ball pits
THE PENTAGON — Responding to increasing pressure from Congress and veterans organizations regarding the potential negative health effects of burn pits, the Pentagon today finally...
-
DoD quietly pulls bat tartare MRE from circulation
WASHINGTON — Everyone’s favorite MRE will no longer be available a Pentagon spokesperson admitted in a press conference yesterday. There have been no incidents with the...
-
Homebound colonel creates Telework Center of Excellence
FORT LIVING ROOM—The army announced it would stand up the Teleworking Center of Excellence by the end of the month, sources at Army Training and...
-
Coast Guard boat crashing through waves is having a f*cking blast!
CAPE DISAPPOINTMENT — Witnesses in the southwestern corner of Washington state have reported that a 47-foot Coast Guard vessel was last seen having the time...
-
“Hard times don’t last, hard men do” says visibly erect Sgt. Maj.
FORT HOOD, Texas — In a speech to his assembled battalion Tuesday, Sgt. Maj. Wade Thompson of the First Sustainment Brigade, First Cavalry Regiment, emphasized...
-
F-35 tests positive for Coronavirus
EDWARDS AIR FORCE BASE, California — As the saga of seemingly never-ending problems plaguing the F-35 Joint Strike Fighter Program continues, things took took an...
-
Retiring NCO craps on unit’s morale one last time
FORT BENNING, Ga. — Just one month from his final change of responsibility, Sgt. Maj. Christopher Roth realized that he needed one more emotional boost...
-
Gunny wishes toddler would stop misbehooving
WASHINGTON — The two-year old dependent of a local Marine just won’t stop misbehooving, sources at the Washington Marine Barracks report. Gunnery Sgt. Chester Thompson,...
