Drill Sergeant awarded NCO of the year for not having sex with trainees
FORT LEONARD WOOD — The Army’s competition for Non-Commissioned Officer of the year came to an end today after a grueling process, when the personal...
Duffel Blog — The American Military's Most Trusted News Source
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Opinion: Do you know what is more infectious than COVID-19? COURAGE
By Master Sergeant Thomas LaFever, your Drill Sergeant. Listen up, America. You’re scared. You’re scared of an enemy that you can’t see and that is...
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French military surrenders to coronavirus
PARIS – In a desperate attempt to curb the spread of coronavirus disease, or COVID-19, within its borders, the French military surrendered unconditionally to the...
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Kim Jong Chub: How to stay trim and fit while oppressing your people from isolation
PYONGYANG – The Defense Intelligence Agency (DIA) confirmed that North Korean Supreme Leader Kim Chong Un is calling himself “a new Dear Leader” devoted to...
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Space Force graduating class suffocates after tossing helmets
ARMSTRONG LUNAR BASE, MOON – Tragedy struck the U.S. Space Force Academy yesterday as its entire graduating class suffocated during the celebratory helmet toss. “To...
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Report reveals Otis Spunkmeyer was Nazi muffin scientist who defected to US
WASHINGTON — Documents from the late 1940s declassified Monday contain shocking revelations regarding famed muffin patriarch Otis Spunkemeyer. The documents outline a secret US program...
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Barracks stock market expert totally about to make a killing
JACKSONVILLE, N.C. — Pvt. 1st Class John Hodges is totally about to make millions in the stock market, sources report. “Stocks are so low right...
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Raytheon not exactly sure what $400 million contract from USAF is supposed to be used for
TUCSON, Ariz. – The U.S. Air Force announced this week that it had awarded a $400 million contract to the Raytheon Missiles & Defense technology...
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‘The Carrier is Vulnerable and Obsolete’ according to 100 years worth of military journals
ANNAPOLIS, Md. – Defense Tropes Quarterly announced the publication of yet another article claiming the aircraft carrier is vulnerable, obsolete, and prohibitively expensive. The piece...
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Pentagon announces ‘green’ 6th-gen fighters to burn $100 bills as fuel
THE PENTAGON — The yearly Force Readiness and Future Investments report from the Pentagon identifies key areas of R&D investment for future acquisitions programs. This...
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New program helps retiring colonels decide which Civil War battle to study
FORT BELVOIR, Va. – A new transition assistance initiative unveiled this week will help retiring colonels decide which Civil War battle they should study to...
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Meet the WWI veteran who started ‘Trench Warfare Coffee Company’
Editor’s note: The following article originally appeared in the September 1918 Duffel Blog. The author die weeks later of the 1918 influenza pandemic. ALBANY, N.Y....
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West Pointer keeps telling everyone Quartermaster was his first choice
FORT STEWART, Ga. — Since his arrival to the unit, 2nd Lt. Joseph Lynn hasn’t let a single day pass without an unsolicited announcement that...
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Generals who failed to defeat Taliban explain how to kill a virus
WASHINGTON — Numerous general officers who contributed to America’s slow-motion failure in Afghanistan would like you to take their advice on how to defeat the...
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Barracks lawyer hoping to be barracks judge someday
FORT JACKSON, S.C. — Spc. Tyson McClean, a light-wheeled vehicle mechanic with the 3-128th Infantry Battalion, might be a top barracks lawyer right now, but he...
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Deep State honors essential crisis actors with chemtrail flyovers
WASHINGTON — In an unprecedented public revelation, Deep State leaders announced plans to honor essential COVID-19 crisis actors with chemtrail flyovers throughout the month of...
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Coronavirus Cancels Billions of Man-Hours of Pointless Military Bullshit
WASHINGTON — Secretary of Defense Mark Esper confirmed that the Pentagon stands to lose billions of man-hours in pointless bullshit as military facilities worldwide continue...
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DOD vows to double number of slides in annual sexual assault prevention training
THE PENTAGRAM — In the wake of a recently released report showing a three percent increase in reported sexual assaults across the military last year,...
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Blue Angels remind healthcare workers who the real heroes are
PHILADELPHIA, Pa. — The Blue Angels and Thunderbirds completed a flyover of the greater Philadelphia area to remind healthcare professionals that members of the military...
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General Funk announces 20 new fundamentals in response to Coronavirus
THE PENTAGON — Gen. Paul E. Funk II has heard the cries of a starving nation. What world could be content with only 40 Funk...
