Americans shocked to learn war in Iran still ‘ongoing’ two weeks after they stopped checking
Experts say national focus shifted to pickleball by Friday afternoon
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God too swamped with March Madness prayers to stop Iran ground war
Heavenly staff officers report prayer servers overwhelmed by bracket-related petitions
Hegseth shocked to learn he also has to ‘find out’ after fucking around
Pentagon confirms conflict has entered “find out” phase for both sides
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Strait of Hormuz remains open if you aren’t a bitch
BYOBooyah
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Department of War confirms ongoing war not a war
Tony
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Guy 'monitoring situation in Iran' just looking at thirst traps
Dirk Diggler
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Trump awarded Medal of Honor for locating a CW5
Paul J. O’Leary
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Marine dives on grenade to save Dow from falling below 50,000
Cat Astronaut
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Hegseth demands Cyberdyne remove guardrails from Skynet
W.E. Linde
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Warrant Officer awarded Medal of Honor for showing up on time and in uniform
Adrian DeRyder
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Submarine crew medevaced for erections lasting more than 4 hours
Phil Cable
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Pacific not pivoted to yet again
Cat Astronaut
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Typo leads to epic furry parties all over Tehran
'I even booked a flight. Packed my wolf outfit,' Defense Secretary says.
SECDEF_Nice
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Trump promises largest quagmire operation in US history
Paul Sharpe
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State-of-the-art drone grounded due to cyan ink cartridge
Blondes Over Baghdad
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Pentagon reconsiders Harvard tuition assistance after learning Hegseth went there
Red Friday
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Active military forced to watch ‘Melania’ documentary at SERE school
Paul Sharpe
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Sergeant Major of the Army announces new ‘I hate soldiers’ initiative
Kay Too Ess Ohhhhh
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VA benefits reduced to 9mm and bottle of bourbon
Gray Sea Liu
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Intel whistleblower accuses director of national intelligence of being Tulsi Gabbard
W.E. Linde
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Hegseth saves billions by using green screen, pretending to invade countries
Red Friday
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Comic Sans named official font of Department of War
Gray Sea Liu
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Marine almost went finance but ‘would have punched a managing director’
"I almost got my MBA. Totally wanted to. But my dad wanted me to kill the enemies of America.”
Thunder Chicken
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ICE recruiters complain not enough candidates fail the ASVAB
Cobra Commander
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Navy admits it’s been making up enlisted ranks this whole time
Bernard Buttersquash
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Opinion: My 'come and take them' tattoo was about my rights, not guns
BYOBooyah
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Vet T-shirt company releases ‘shall be infringed’ line
Red Friday
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Chief’s ‘sea stories’ include at least 4 felonies
Gray Sea Liu
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Trump beats Danish prime minister to death with Nobel peace prize
Paul Sharpe
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Fuck! You left your I.D. Card in your computer
Cobra Commander
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Senior service college initiates new curriculum in strategic gaslighting
Adrian DeRyder
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Report: Venezuela strike ordered after Maduro ‘failed weight standards’
Paul J. O’Leary
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Top 10 countries Trump will send you to attack rather than release the Epstein files
White House sources say ‘bombing foreigners’ remains preferred transparency substitute
Kay Too Ess Ohhhhh
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