Strait of Hormuz remains open if you aren’t a bitch
Officials say mines only effective against “mentally weak” shipping crews
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Department of War confirms ongoing war not a war
Officials say situation best described as “hostile situationship” to avoid congressional involvement
Guy 'monitoring situation in Iran' just looking at thirst traps
Pentagon analysts confirm regional intelligence picture increasingly shaped by Instagram Reels
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Trump awarded Medal of Honor for locating a CW5
Paul J. O’Leary
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Marine dives on grenade to save Dow from falling below 50,000
Cat Astronaut
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Hegseth demands Cyberdyne remove guardrails from Skynet
W.E. Linde
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Warrant Officer awarded Medal of Honor for showing up on time and in uniform
Adrian DeRyder
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Submarine crew medevaced for erections lasting more than 4 hours
Phil Cable
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Pacific not pivoted to yet again
Cat Astronaut
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Typo leads to epic furry parties all over Tehran
SECDEF_Nice
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Trump promises largest quagmire operation in US history
Paul Sharpe
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State-of-the-art drone grounded due to cyan ink cartridge
Blondes Over Baghdad
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Pentagon reconsiders Harvard tuition assistance after learning Hegseth went there
Pentagon reviewing tuition assistance after discovering one graduate
Red Friday
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Active military forced to watch ‘Melania’ documentary at SERE school
Paul Sharpe
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Sergeant Major of the Army announces new ‘I hate soldiers’ initiative
Kay Too Ess Ohhhhh
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VA benefits reduced to 9mm and bottle of bourbon
Gray Sea Liu
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Intel whistleblower accuses director of national intelligence of being Tulsi Gabbard
W.E. Linde
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Hegseth saves billions by using green screen, pretending to invade countries
Red Friday
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Comic Sans named official font of Department of War
Gray Sea Liu
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Marine almost went finance but ‘would have punched a managing director’
Thunder Chicken
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ICE recruiters complain not enough candidates fail the ASVAB
Cobra Commander
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Navy admits it’s been making up enlisted ranks this whole time
Bernard Buttersquash
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Opinion: My 'come and take them' tattoo was about my rights, not guns
Also, some rights matter more than others, and I trust law enforcement to decide which
BYOBooyah
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Vet T-shirt company releases ‘shall be infringed’ line
Red Friday
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Chief’s ‘sea stories’ include at least 4 felonies
Gray Sea Liu
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Trump beats Danish prime minister to death with Nobel peace prize
Paul Sharpe
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Fuck! You left your I.D. Card in your computer
Cobra Commander
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Senior service college initiates new curriculum in strategic gaslighting
Adrian DeRyder
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Report: Venezuela strike ordered after Maduro ‘failed weight standards’
Paul J. O’Leary
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Top 10 countries Trump will send you to attack rather than release the Epstein files
Kay Too Ess Ohhhhh
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Nicolás maduro to return in Avengers: Doomsday
Tony
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Trump adds his own name to Vietnam memorial
Red Friday
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5 reasons this war for oil will be better than the last war for oil, and the one before that
Administration says it has ‘learned valuable lessons’ and ‘stopped pretending’
Bull Winkle
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