REVEALED: Tennessee general angered over reenlistment video was abused by dinosaur puppet as a child
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Maj. Gen. Terry Haston, the adjutant general for the Tennessee National Guard who ended and ruined several careers over a lighthearted reenlistment video featuring a puppet, has revealed that he was severely mistreated by a dinosaur puppet as a child, sources confirmed today.
The T-rex puppet, worn by his uncle Steve and nicknamed “Dangersaurus,” was the cause of enormous emotional trauma for the young Haston.
“If you experienced the horrors I did, you’d know that we have to stay focused on what really matters in the military, and that’s the perils of dinosaur puppets,” Haston told reporters. “Trust me, if I talked while Uncle Steve was watching TV, Dangersaurus would slap me silly. I didn’t like it, and neither would anyone in our military.”
Haston knows a threat to good order and discipline when he sees it, adding: “Dinosaur puppets are just like tattoos and having fun: an unequivocal indicator of moral depravity and inability to do your job.”
Still, although the woma…
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