Categories: Marine Corps

Wow! This Colonel just inspired his Marines to not lock their knees and pass out as he talks

CAMP PENDLETON — A Marine colonel has left his mark on the Corps with an inspirational speech before he retired, telling the assembled Marines that they should always “do their best to honor the Corps’ legacy of not locking their knees and passing out” during this speech, sources confirmed today.

“Marines, thank you so much for being here today in this formation,” said Col. Steve Weintraub during his speech. “It’s been my honor to serve for 32 years and if I can give just one word of advice, please keep standing during the time it takes me to finish this.”

As a crowd of well-wishers looked on at Weintraub, surrounded by friends, family, and fellow Marines, he continued to talk about his time in the Corps as the sun beat down on the parade deck.

“I can’t believe it’s all over. I’ve had such a remarkable career and I’m so thankful for the Marines that I’ve served with and for these Marines, right here, right now, who have proudly stood here and not fallen over as if they were just struck by lightning,” Weintraub said, as the Marine color guard started to wobble and the flag began to sway from side to side.

“To my beautiful and darling wife, thank you so much for standing by me and for doing everything for me,” Weintraub added as a Marine in one of the front ranks started opening his eyes wide to try and stay upright. “You have been the real inspiration here for me and my career, in addition to these Marines not passing out as I give this speech.”

Following Weintraub’s remarks, some general no one even knows stood up and reiterated a bunch of things already said while also mentioning the Corps would never be the same without Weintraub, just like he said about the 18 other people he’s talked about during retirements.

He also went on to praise the assembled Marines, who were so thankful to receive compliments from senior leaders who kept extending this damn thing even longer.

At press time, at least four Marines had failed to heed Weintraub’s advice. They were admitted to Naval Hospital Camp Pendleton with minor heat stroke.

Published by
Paul Sharpe

Recent Posts

Warrant Officer confuses unit by showing up for PT

SAN ANTONIO, Texas — Members of the 470th Military Intelligence Brigade at Fort Sam Houston…

22 hours ago

New Call of Duty Terms of Service actually army enlistment contract

WASHINGTON — Excitement over a recently released update to the wildly popular Call of Duty…

2 days ago

Fort Bragg to open Army’s first on-post strip club

FORT BRAGG, N.C. — After months of complaints from spouses regarding employment opportunities and low…

3 days ago

Air Force gentrifies Marine MOUT

CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. — While conducting training at the Camp Lejeune M.O.U.T.  (Military Operations in Urban…

4 days ago

Space Force draws space penis over eastern coast of Florida

CAPE CANAVERAL — Saturday marked America’s return to human spaceflight, as a Falcon 9 rocket…

5 days ago

Navy fitness-instructor school plagued with inexplicably high rates of diabetes

MILLINGTON, Tenn. — The Navy’s primary school for training sailors to become physical fitness instructors…

6 days ago