Lieutenant Colonel actually Major Asshole
TWENTYNINE PALMS, Calif. – Despite attaining the rank of lieutenant colonel, assistant to the regimental S-3Z Jefferey Shortbus can best be described as a major asshole.
The first indication of Lt. Col. Shortbus’ true colors came when he plastered the regimental headquarters with copies of his leadership philosophy, despite the fact that he is a staff officer who commands zero Marines and less respect. Printed on parchment paper, the memo consists solely of the words “DIVERSITY, INTEGRITY, PEOPLE ARE OUR MOST VALUABLE RESOURCE” in 72-point size Zapf Chancery. First Lt. Aaron DePaul, an expert on leadership philosophies and navel gazing, analyzed the document.
“It’s simultaneously grandiose and incoherent,” he marveled. “This guy is without a doubt a major asshole.”
Never one to get wrapped up in semantics, Lt. Col. Shortbus is capable of veering from his own guidance when necessary. Some might call this hypocrisy, but he calls it mental agility, a phrase he borrowed from a Marine Corps G…
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