Minnesota National Guard reports situation is ‘Real serious doncha know, no foolin’

SAINT PAUL, Minn. - Minnesota National Guard Soldiers and Airmen stand guard overnight alongside local law enforcement, protecting Minnesota’s Capitol area May 30, 2020. By daybreak, more than 4,600 Citizen-Soldiers and Airmen were activated to support a variety of missions across the Twin Cities. "We are in a position of significantly greater strength tonight in Minneapolis and St. Paul than we were last night, “ said Minnesota's Adjutant General, Maj. Gen. Jon Jensen. “That strength, and full-integration with civil authorities, changed the tone Saturday night around the Twin Cities.” Throughout the night and into the early morning, Soldiers and Airmen completed 18 missions to include supporting operations with the Minnesota State Patrol, Minneapolis Police and Fire Departments; providing security for hospitals and escorting emergency medical services.

MINNEAPOLIS, Minn. — Minnesota National Guard units mobilized in response to ongoing protests report the situation on the ground is “Serious, dangerous, and just downright uncivilized.”

“Oh yah, hey,” Captain Lina Linasdotterson said to reporters earlier today. “Is it crazy out there? You betcha. However we’re doing our best to reduce violence, stop looting, and provide safe places for all our residents to donate to NPR. We have instituted a curfew, but that’s been ineffective. There’s no hockey to watch if they go home.”

The National Guard has tried to calm the situation down by showing presence and dispersing looters. Tactics include foot patrol, tear gas, and MRAPs driving the streets blaring the music of Prince. Critics claim the National Guard presence is inciting more violence because they’re not spending enough time waving goodbye.

“We all want a peaceful resolution to this matter, I tell ya” Linasdotterson said. “The whole situation makes me want to scream, for Pete’s sake. I’d like to invite all the protest leaders to sit down and talk over some lutefisk and a nice hotdish. I’m not sure if that’s possible in this climate, which is just a darn shame. There’s enough cocoa around the fire for everyone.”

Linasdotterson continued. “There were reports that all the arrested protesters were from Wisconsin,” she said. “That turned out to be false, but if only.”

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