TALK LOUDER: A Military Guide To Group Work
Speak up. You can’t hear yourself over other people’s ideas and input. LOUDER! Let these dweebs know who they’re dealing with. You are a Type-A...
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Afghanistan: A Look Back On America’s Longest War
KABUL – With the stroke of midnight last night marking the end of NATO’s joint combat mission in Afghanistan, Duffel Blog looks back on 13...
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Sailor Asks Not What His Country Can Do For Him But What He Can Do Half-Assed For His Country
SAN DIEGO, Calif. — Saying he’s ready to roll up his sleeves and get to work — just as soon as he’s done at medical —...
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Sick Of Cleaning Toilets And Mopping Floors, Janitor Enlists For Navy Adventure
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. – Saying he’s fed up with cleaning toilets for a living, local janitor Sean Ritchie announced Wednesday that he’s putting down his mop for good...
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Sailor Just Litters In Public, Like He Doesn’t Even Care About The Core Values He Represents
NORFOLK, Va. — Demonstrating alarming moral flexibility for a man in uniform, local Quartermaster Second Class Kenny Cruise reportedly littered today, right there in front...
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Veteran Working Dog Has Trouble Marketing Skills To Local Employers
VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. – If every dog has his day, Rusty’s could sure come soon. According to sources, the Belgian Malinois – recently home from...
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US Troops Rapidly Prepare For Non-Response To Iraq Security Crisis
WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to top Pentagon officials, American military units around the globe have launched into inaction following news that radical militants of the Islamic State...
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New FOBBIT Camouflage Blends Perfectly With Gravel, Plywood, And Computers
AFGHANISTAN — This week, the U.S. military fields a new camouflage pattern specifically crafted for those soldiers who spend entire deployments behind Hesco barriers and...
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Newly-Promoted O-3 Glad He’ll Finally Be Taken Seriously Around Here
SAN DIEGO, Calif. – Standing a little taller than yesterday, newly-minted Navy Lieutenant Austin Davies is reportedly thrilled that he’ll finally be taken seriously as an...
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Pacific Fleet Claims Garbage Island As US Territory
THE PACIFIC OCEAN – Steaming through an estimated 700,000 square kilometers of filth, United States Navy warships laid territorial claim today to the Great Pacific...
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Senior Officers Boldly Echo Meaningless Nothings During Staff Meeting
HEROES CONFERENCE ROOM – In an audacious display of professional cunning and original thought, that major in the corner with the hooah-haircut just flatly agreed...
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Crusty Old Fuck In The Pentagon Hopes Cold War Just Got Hot
WASHINGTON – According to sources, that sputtering relic from Basement Level 2B in the Pentagon has been completely beside himself this week, ever since the...
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On Defense Cuts, Obama Just Comes Right Out And Says He Wants The Terrorists To Win
WASHINGTON — Confirming suspicions of Americans and Fox News contributors everywhere, Communist-in-Chief Barack Obama announced today that his plans to downsize the Defense Department in...
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Navy Town Celebrates Return Of Drunk-Driving, Bar-Fighting Miscreants
NORFOLK, Va. — Waving flags and hoisting colorful hand-made signs, community members gathered today on Norfolk Naval Station to welcome home the men and women...
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Soldier Responds To Letter From A First Grader
Dear Mackenzie, Thanks for your kind words. The support of young Americans like you makes everything we do feel at least marginally worthwhile. But let’s...
