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Author: Erik Sullivan

Erik is a Specialist in the Army and always will be. He enjoys romance novels, hitting people while they're playing board games, magnets, goats who beat up other goats, the really upsetting parts of the internet, Werner Herzog's voice and, from time to time, your mother.
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WASHINGTON — A new plan touted by President Donald Trump to end the nearly six-year-long Syrian Civil War has reportedly stalled after the president and his staff realized they did not have enough different colors and pieces to represent all the different factions in the country, sources confirmed today. “It’s a pretty ridiculous oversight for a strategy […]
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FORT BRAGG, N.C. — A recent Army survey conducted among combat arms soldiers indicates that humor involving the weight and sexual proclivities of soldiers’ mothers was 62 percent funnier if the mother in question was dead. “This report really confirms what a lot of our respondents have known to be true for quite some time,” lead researcher Dr. Phil Morgan […]
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FORT MCCLELLAN, Ala. – The United States Marine Corps is poised to resurrect its legendary Code Talker Program by attaching several native Alabamians to Marine infantry units currently deployed to Afghanistan, sources have confirmed. “Ahm jus’ tickled as a dern coon in ah ‘shine bucket!” hooted Pfc. Bobby Joe Carson. “Bout to hitch ah scoot […]
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SAN DIEGO, Calif. – Sports nutrition giant GNC plans to release a new pre-workout smokeless tobacco product some time in 2015, Duffel Blog has learned. The experimental energy/nicotine product, codenamed “Tobaccosplode,” was designed for the warrior/athlete market niche that pervades the armed forces. “Dipping and abuse of pre-workout supplements are both cultural trademarks of the military,” […]
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