Breastfeeding infant court-martialed for putting his SIPR on the NIPR
QUANTICO, Va. — After severely mishandling of extremely sensitive physical matter, 9-month-old Tyler Stevenson will be tried before a court martial convened by the Marine...
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Captain Li Shang relieved of command for toxic masculinity
CHANGCHUN, China — The Chinese Army relieved a decorated army officer and son of legendary Gen. Li of his command position after details were leaked...
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Thanksgiving declares unconditional surrender in War on Christmas
Turkey Prime Minister Gobbler has announced his plans for unconditional surrender to Gen. Santa Clausewitz of the Christmas Empire after many decades of frigid winter...
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Opinion: Marines on steroids are all the rage right now. Seriously. Please send help
CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. – If anyone is reading this, I am locked in the bathroom of the gym closest to headquarters. I don’t know exactly...
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DUFFEL BLOG PRESENTS: Ayn Rand gives your weekend safety brief
I do not know why you all look to me to give you direction for your weekend activities, much less your lives. Had I the...
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Man starts viral video campaign to raise awareness that veterans exist
RALEIGH, N.C. — A local man is doing his part to do nothing for veterans except raise the public’s awareness that they exist through a...
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Wounded military working dog given service human
QUANTICO, Va. — After a heartbreaking injury during his latest deployment, heroic military working dog Sgt. Fluffy has been given a service lance corporal to...
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EMPOWERED: Meet the female suicide bomber who shattered a glass ceiling in Mosul
The following is an Op-Ed by the editors of Jezebel.com Listen up, femme fatales! A new demographic of war fighters has exploded onto the scene...
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Veterans who say they ‘miss the war’ remind neighbors to not use fireworks
TRACY, Calif. — A pair of military heroes are leading the effort to stop their neighbors from lighting fireworks, sources say. “You know, we went...
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ISIS commander tells suicide bombers: ‘Remember, you’re an Ambassador for our nation’
The following is a brief given by the motivated Mullah Al Habib to new ISIS insurgents before they leave for Europe. Okay, listen up men! Today is the first...
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Trump orders ‘every swinging dick’ to attend transgender training
TAMPA, Fla. — President Donald Trump confirmed during a trip to Central Command that he is moving forward with new integration training for transgender servicemen and women....
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Sergeant Major unable to choose anything except E-9 on vending machines
URASOE, Japan — A Marine sergeant major stationed on Camp Kinser, Okinawa, is physically unable to choose any selection from a vending machine not labeled “E9,”...
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Joe Biden Criticized For Praising Snowden
WASHINGTON — As the nation’s capital continues to dig out from Winter Storm Jonah, Vice President Joe Biden has come under fire for apparently praising Edward...
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Homeless Veteran ‘Super Happy’ People Paid Attention To Him On Facebook For A Week
SEATTLE — During the height of debate over Syrian refugees, attention briefly turned to homeless veterans, making former Army Spc. and current refrigerator box tenant Micheal Schmidt “super happy...
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Biden: Civilian Drone Deaths Totally Worth It
The following is an opinion article by the Vice President of the United States, Joseph R. Biden. America, it’s come to my attention that there...
