Turkey Prime Minister Gobbler has announced his plans for unconditional surrender to Gen. Santa Clausewitz of the Christmas Empire after many decades of frigid winter combat...
CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. – If anyone is reading this, I am locked in the bathroom of the gym closest to headquarters. I don’t know exactly how...
I do not know why you all look to me to give you direction for your weekend activities, much less your lives. Had I the choice,...
RALEIGH, N.C. — A local man is doing his part to do nothing for veterans except raise the public’s awareness that they exist through a viral...
QUANTICO, Va. — After a heartbreaking injury during his latest deployment, heroic military working dog Sgt. Fluffy has been given a service lance corporal to help...
The following is an Op-Ed by the editors of Jezebel.com Listen up, femme fatales! A new demographic of war fighters has exploded onto the scene in...
TRACY, Calif. — A pair of military heroes are leading the effort to stop their neighbors from lighting fireworks, sources say. “You know, we went over...
The following is a brief given by the motivated Mullah Al Habib to new ISIS insurgents before they leave for Europe. Okay, listen up men! Today is the first day...
TAMPA, Fla. — President Donald Trump confirmed during a trip to Central Command that he is moving forward with new integration training for transgender servicemen and women. “I...
URASOE, Japan — A Marine sergeant major stationed on Camp Kinser, Okinawa, is physically unable to choose any selection from a vending machine not labeled “E9,” sources...
WASHINGTON — As the nation’s capital continues to dig out from Winter Storm Jonah, Vice President Joe Biden has come under fire for apparently praising Edward Snowden...
SEATTLE — During the height of debate over Syrian refugees, attention briefly turned to homeless veterans, making former Army Spc. and current refrigerator box tenant Micheal Schmidt “super happy that...
The following is an opinion article by the Vice President of the United States, Joseph R. Biden. America, it’s come to my attention that there has been...
AFGHANISTAN — Deep in the most remote regions of Afghanistan, loyal San Francisco 49er fans serving in a Recon platoon are eagerly awaiting news of their beloved...
WILMINGTON, NC — A local man and former Marine was accused of indiscriminately killing multiple beers and shooting tequila last night at a local bar, witnesses...
