Chipotle modifies Veterans Day promotion to exclude fat soldiers
DENVER, Colo. — Chipotle is modifying its military appreciation buy one, get one free offer for Veterans Day to deny the promotion to military service members who...
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Hillary Clinton buys Gulfstream G500 at 35% interest to show solidarity with military
FAYETTEVILLE, N.C. — Democratic Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton purchased a Gulfstream G500 at 35% interest from a used aircraft dealer on Sunday to show that she...
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Pentagon bans Sperrys, khaki shorts, and pastel shirts for off-duty troops
THE PENTAGON — Following a recent revelation that the terrorist organization ISIS plans to target US military members, officers especially, the Department of Defense is requiring troops to choose...
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Spartan Race canceled over ‘cultural appropriation’ concerns
FORT STEWART, Ga. — The Pentagon has ordered Maj. Gen. James E. Rainey, commander of the 3rd Infantry Division, to cancel next month’s planned “Spartan Race” after Hellenic...
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Coast Guard: Our birthday was Thursday, thanks for noticing
WASHINGTON — Coast Guard Commandant Admiral Paul F. Zukunft has sent a scathing rebuke to the other services entitled “Our Birthday Was Thursday, Thanks For Noticing,” according...
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Army replaces benefits with rolled sleeves
THE PENTAGON – The U.S. Army announced yesterday that it will replace all service-earned benefits with allowing soldiers to roll their sleeves. “We’ve thought about this...
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Army Chief of Staff arrested buying $17 million worth of pistols from undercover ATF agent
RICHMOND, Va. – The Department of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms (ATF) has confirmed that the agency arrested Army Chief of Staff Gen. Mark Milley after he...
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Pentagon worried about strategic nerd shortage on electronic battlefield
WASHINGTON — As the U.S. military prepares to fight the wars of the future, many of the most effective warriors will very likely be keyboard...
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Inventor creates ‘Rock Or Something’ to lean your MRE on
ATLANTA — What started out as just an idea for one Georgia man is now a product on sale at large military bases across the...
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Lab Grown Testicles Give New Hope To Incoming Platoon Leaders
FORT CAMPBELL, Ky. — The Army is offering new hope to young officers by providing a group of volunteers an experimental new therapy, sources say....
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Candidates Vow To Support Troops With Prepared Statements, Facebook Posts Through Election
WASHINGTON — Presidential hopefuls vowed yesterday to fully support the military with prepared statements and social media posts in the months leading up to the elections. “Wednesday...
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Pentagon Confirms Delta Force Helmet Cam Footage ‘Bad-Ass’
WASHINGTON — The Pentagon acknowledged Friday that a video released last weekend showing US Army Delta Force operators liberating Iraqi prisoners from their ISIS captors was indeed...
