Deep State agent amused and annoyed by your conspiracy theories
YOUR HOMETOWN — An agent of the deep state working undercover with the NSA has expressed mixed feelings toward the conspiracy theories you post online....
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Meet the Union Army private who bought a mustang at 46% interest
The following is an article by author BeardsOverFredericksburg from the January 1865 issue of Duffel Blog’s Civil War-era predecessor, The Knapsack Gazette. TROY, N.Y. —...
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Heartbreaking! This Airman missed all five of his kids’ conceptions!
Few people will ever know the hardships and adversity faced by those who raise their right hand and take an oath to serve our country....
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Realistic new ‘Counterinsurgency’ video game lets you watch troops fuck up until you’re fired
SEATTLE, Wash. — An upcoming real-time strategy game is designed to let you watch your troops fuck up until you’re fired, sources confirmed today. Titled...
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Fox News viewer in crisis after white policeman shoots unarmed black soldier
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — A local Fox News viewer and self-proclaimed patriot has been gripped by panic and indecision upon hearing that a white police officer...
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‘Quiet professional’ is neither
FORT BRAGG, N.C. — A U.S. Army Special Operations Command soldier and self-proclaimed ‘quiet professional’ is neither, according to several of his civilian and military peers. “There...
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Pentagon forms ‘Symmetric Warfare Group’ in case of massive conventional war
FORT BRAGG, N.C. — A newly-obtained Pentagon memo has revealed that the military is working to build a Symmetric Warfare Group, sources confirmed today. The...
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‘So it begins,’ conspiracy theorist says for 1,260th time since 9/11
SOMEWHERE UNDERGROUND — A local conspiracy theorist believes that the recent events around the world are “just the beginning,” sources have confirmed. “Things are about...
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Atheist, CrossFitting Navy SEAL hasn’t told anyone he vapes
SAN DIEGO, Calif. — An atheist Navy SEAL who practices CrossFit and built his own gaming PC hasn’t told anyone about his vaping habit, sources...
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Marine Scout Sniper sets record for most confirmed divorces
UNDISCLOSED LOCATION — A decorated US Marine Corps Scout Sniper on his seventh deployment has set a military-wide record for the most confirmed divorces, sources...
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HOT! Complete your Cyber-Awareness Training with this one weird trick
Duffel Blog has exclusively obtained this email sent to the entire Defense Department mailing list, which promises a more efficient method for completing the required...
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Troops ‘asking for a friend’ to be charged with conspiracy, Pentagon says
THE PENTAGON — U.S. service members can now be charged under Article 81 (Conspiracy) of the uniformed code of military justice for asking questions “for...
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Meet the POG who is going to be your boss in the civilian world
RAF LAKENHEATH, UK — You may not realize it, but Airman 1st Class Harold Margason is going to be your boss in the civilian world...
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Sharing of memes criticizing presidents without military service has decreased by 87%, study finds
WASHINGTON — A research study into behavior on social media has found a sharp decline in the sharing of images regarding military service as a prerequisite for...
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‘Dysfunctional veteran’ actually just dysfunctional
ENID, Okla. — Area man and self-proclaimed “dysfunctional veteran” Tad Wilkins has been determined to be just the former, sources have confirmed. According to several...
