> ## Content Index > Fetch the complete content index at: https://www.duffelblog.com/llms.txt > Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further. # National Guard mobilized to pick fruit - URL: https://www.duffelblog.com/national-guard-mobilized-to-pick/ - Published: 2025-08-22T19:11:00.000Z - Updated: 2025-08-28T22:13:27.000Z - Description: Governor hails “historic partnership” between citrus industry and underpaid weekend warriors - Author: Red Friday - Tags: #Newsletter, #substack, #substack-type-newsletter, #substack-access-everyone, #Import 2025-08-25 16:23, Army, National Guard TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Florida Governor Ron DeSantis has mobilized the Florida National Guard to pick fruit, sources confirmed today. “We grew dependent on hard working people doing backbreaking labor for low pay,” DeSantis said. “So we threw them out of the country and now our fields are full of rotting fruit. I don’t think anyone could’ve seen that coming. That is why today, I am activating the entire Florida National Guard to fix the problem we created.” ## ATTN: Reader This is your official order to subscribe. Failure to comply will result in additional duty cleaning porta-johns at NTC. Subscribe Email sent! Check your inbox to complete your signup. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime. Activating the National Guard was DeSantis’ last resort to save the year's orange crop. The initial plan — do nothing — failed almost immediately. And changing child labor laws to allow 14 year-olds to work in 100 degree heat was dismissed as “On God I ain’t doing that fr.” So DeSantis, seemingly out of options, turned to the National Guard. “This is a great day for Florida,” DeSantis told reporters. “We are continuing in the long history of using our military to further American business interests at home and abroad. Who better to exploit than Florida’s finest?” But experts pointed out that ‘Florida’s finest’ is a low bar. Maj. Gen. John Haas, Adjutant General of Florida, described the plan. “We have a three-pronged approach,” he said. “First, we will get our soldiers out into the fields picking fruit. Second, restaurants are reporting labor shortages so we’ll send people to go wash their dishes. That will be females only, SECDEF’s orders. Third, a lot of residents say they need people to work an odd job for a day or two. We’ll have our soldiers gather in accessible places, like in front of Home Depot, to help them out.” At press time, DeSantis was considering activating the Air National Guard to do the jobs the activated Army National Guardsmen would have been doing. When asked how to fill the jobs of the Air National Guard, DeSantis suggested bringing in people from somewhere else. ***Red Friday** **wants you to remember EVERYONE deployed.* ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/fa/9c/fa9cd1d4-6369-4dde-bbf0-3755aa4734dc/content/images/substack-post-media-s3-amazonaws-com/public/images/4dce96bb-4d63-4734-98b5-e1c42240092e_1200x440.png) - [**National Guard breaks up college protest by throwing enlistment flyers at crowd**](https://www.duffelblog.com/national-guard-breaks-up-college/) - [**Hegseth thinking that DEI Coordinator job at National Guard Bureau looks pretty sweet right now**](https://www.duffelblog.com/hegseth-thinking-that-dei-coordinator/) - [**National Guard general who avoided combat in every war since Vietnam retires**](https://www.duffelblog.com/always-ready-always-at-home/) - [**National Guardsman refuses to guard nation**](https://www.duffelblog.com/national-guardsman-refuses-to-guard-nation/) SPONSORED [![CTA Image](https://duffel-blog.ghost.io/content/images/2025/08/ezgif-828829c5685acf-2.gif)](https://shop.duffelblog.com/?ref=duffelblog.com) [****Shop Duffel Blog**](https://shop.duffelblog.com/?ref=duffelblog.com) Looking for the perfect gift for the veteran in your life—or just trying to trigger your chain of command? **🔥 Stock up on some dangerously funny gear now from the** [***Duffel Blog Shop**](https://shop.duffelblog.com/?ref=duffelblog.com)***.** [Check it out → ](https://shop.duffelblog.com/?ref=duffelblog.com)