REDMOND, Okla. — Each day at 5 p.m., retired drywaller Gerald Wayne Spavinaw conducts a daily briefing on the Russo-Ukrainian War for his family. Attendance is mandatory, even for Scooter, his tick hound. His wife Ruby Ann is bewildered by the sudden change in her husband, and his two grandsons, Gerald III and Bobby Lee, are just pissed.

“I mean every fucking day, 30 minutes before supper he pulls out this laminated map, a box of grease pencils, and starts yammering about goddamn Ukraine. I don’t even know what fucking state it’s in,” said Gerald III.

Spavinaw briefs his family over advances the Ukrainian Army has made that day, breaks down the reported losses of personnel and equipment by the Russians, and after his forecast for the outcome of the next day’s battles, opens the floor for questions.

Neighbor Earl Morton is just as confused as the rest of the Spavinaw clan.

“Used to be all the guys would meet up over at Gerald’s garage every evening with a couple of 12-packs of Natty Light …