Getting rejected from job after job can be frustrating. So when the US Army found out that 35 year-old Craig Foley had been fired from every job he ever had, they stepped up and gave him a job wielding absolute power over life and death!

Wow! Talk about selfless service!

Although most Americans are enjoying some of the lowest unemployment rates in nearly 50 years, some Americans don't have the necessary interpersonal skills or impulse control to succeed in a 9-to-5 job. Foley himself was literally sitting outside of the building where he was fired as a sanitary napkin tester when local recruiter Staff Sgt. Sandra Colton found him blankly leering at passersby. Anyone else would have called the police, but luckily Colton saw Foley's raw, untapped potential to decide who lives and who dies in a mortal imbroglio halfway around the world.

"We believe everyone has a place in the U.S. Army," said Colton. "People who normally have trouble finding steady employment because of felonies or mental disorders can find success making split-second, life altering decisions for combatants and non-combatants alike."

"Including women and children!" she added.

Amazing. People with no skills or prospects can always depend on the Army to give them the training to reflexively kill complete strangers that will narrowly serve them for months, yet affect every aspect of their life profoundly for decades.

Can you say "yes please?"

Let's give our armed forces a round of applause for being part of the solution to rid America of unemployment and help people like newly commissioned 2nd Lt. Craig Foley play God in morally ambiguous situations across the globe.