Advanced Weapons Tested For Destroyer That Will Never Destroy Anything
WASHINGTON — Engineers at Naval Sea Systems Command are set to begin the next phase of their ongoing plan to test the effectiveness of emerging surface warfare technologies...
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New ISIS Propaganda Video Claims American Colors Do Run
BAGHDAD, Iraq — A new ISIS video is set to be released this week and Americans are “not going to like it,” according to multiple...
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Okinawa Approves New Marine Air Station On Unstable Volcanic Island
NAHA, Okinawa Prefecture — Hailed as yet another landmark consular victory between the United States and Japan, Gov. Hirokazu Nakaima signed legislation today moving Marine...
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Marine One Crew Wishes President Would Shut the F— Up Already
WASHINGTON — Both Marine One pilots waiting on the White House South Lawn wish the President would shut the f–k up and get on the goddamn...
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Base-Wide Alert After ISIS Breaks Into Soldier’s Car
FORT BENNING, Ga. – An Army base in Georgia was placed on Threat Condition (THREATCON) Delta today, the highest force protection measures in the Department of Defense, after...
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American-Born ISIS Recruit Beheaded For Calling Cadence
MOSUL, Iraq – Sources confirmed American citizen Rick Phelps was beheaded today in Iraq after footage was disseminated to various media outlets depicting him being...
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GNC To Release Pre-Workout Dip
SAN DIEGO, Calif. – Sports nutrition giant GNC plans to release a new pre-workout smokeless tobacco product some time in 2015, Duffel Blog has learned....
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Obama Fails To Salute Flag Decal On The Back Of Pickup
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Obama failed to acknowledge an American flag prominently displayed on a veteran’s pickup truck on Wednesday, further incensing a majority of...
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Pilot Uses Kickstarter To Adopt Predator Drone After Deployment
BAGRAM AIRFIELD — Capt. Martin Lewis, an MQ-1 Predator drone pilot in the U.S. Air Force, has raised enough money through the Kickstarter website to bring...
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Punxsutawney Phil Predicts At Least Ten More Years Of War
PUNXSUTAWNEY, Pa. – Senior defense and intelligence officials confirmed today that groundhog and famous prognosticator Punxsutawney Phil had predicted another 10 years of armed conflict for the...
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BREAKING: The Truck Carrying Your Household Goods Just Drove Off A Cliff
DENVER, Colo. — In holding with the rest of your dogshit life, the tractor and trailer carrying your household goods unceremoniously and unsurprisingly careened off...
