All posts tagged "Duffel TV"

Platoon Sergeant Claims 38 Soldiers On His Tax Return

FORT RILEY, Kansas — After 7 years of litigation and $75,000 in legal fees, Sgt. 1st Class James Kinchloe finally gets to claim his entire platoon...

Senator Heroically Saves Obsolete Program, 20,000 Coincidental Jobs In His State

CHEYENNE, Wyo. — In a close vote, Sen. John Barrasso (R-Wyo.) heroically managed to halt plans to end production of the “Humvee” line of military vehicles, saving...

Advanced Weapons Tested For Destroyer That Will Never Destroy Anything

WASHINGTON — Engineers at Naval Sea Systems Command are set to begin the next phase of their ongoing plan to test the effectiveness of emerging surface warfare technologies the...

New ISIS Propaganda Video Claims American Colors Do Run

BAGHDAD, Iraq — A new ISIS video is set to be released this week and Americans are “not going to like it,” according to multiple sources...

Okinawa Approves New Marine Air Station On Unstable Volcanic Island

NAHA, Okinawa Prefecture — Hailed as yet another landmark consular victory between the United States and Japan, Gov. Hirokazu Nakaima signed legislation today moving Marine Corps...

Marine One Crew Wishes President Would Shut the F— Up Already

WASHINGTON — Both Marine One pilots waiting on the White House South Lawn wish the President would shut the f–k up and get on the goddamn aircraft...

Base-Wide Alert After ISIS Breaks Into Soldier’s Car

FORT BENNING, Ga. – An Army base in Georgia was placed on Threat Condition (THREATCON) Delta today, the highest force protection measures in the Department of Defense, after a...

American-Born ISIS Recruit Beheaded For Calling Cadence

MOSUL, Iraq – Sources confirmed American citizen Rick Phelps was beheaded today in Iraq after footage was disseminated to various media outlets depicting him being brutally...

GNC To Release Pre-Workout Dip

SAN DIEGO, Calif. – Sports nutrition giant GNC plans to release a new pre-workout smokeless tobacco product some time in 2015, Duffel Blog has learned. The...

Veteran Rage-O-Meter Pushed To ‘Elevated’ In Response To Brian Williams​ Scandal

Obama Fails To Salute Flag Decal On The Back Of Pickup

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Obama failed to acknowledge an American flag prominently displayed on a veteran’s pickup truck on Wednesday, further incensing a majority of Americans...

Pilot Uses Kickstarter To Adopt Predator Drone After Deployment

BAGRAM AIRFIELD — Capt. Martin Lewis, an MQ-1 Predator drone pilot in the U.S. Air Force, has raised enough money through the Kickstarter website to bring his...

Punxsutawney Phil Predicts At Least Ten More Years Of War

PUNXSUTAWNEY, Pa. – Senior defense and intelligence officials confirmed today that groundhog and famous prognosticator Punxsutawney Phil had predicted another 10 years of armed conflict for the United...

BREAKING: The Truck Carrying Your Household Goods Just Drove Off A Cliff

DENVER, Colo. — In holding with the rest of your dogshit life, the tractor and trailer carrying your household goods unceremoniously and unsurprisingly careened off a...

Gamer Who Joined ISIS Has Terrible Kill-To-Death Ratio

KOBANI, Syria — Hector Bazinet, a Belgian citizen and self-described “gaming fanatic” who left home to join the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant (ISIL) earlier...