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Tag: First Sergeant

HILL AIR FORCE BASE, Utah — Half of the 86th Intelligence Squadron overheard their commander cry out the name of the unit’s first sergeant during climax with his wife, sources confirmed today. “We all heard it and laughed for 30 minutes straight,” said Staff Sgt. Brian Seberns, an intelligence analyst who specializes in nuclear test […]
The following is an op-ed written by the staff sergeant who accosted you in the Marine Corps Exchange. Ay there, devil dog! Yes, you! Get over here, yoohoo. Quick, fast, and in a hurry. “Aye aye, Staff Sergeant, ersumshit?” And I know we always give the daggone proper greeting of the day. Who’s your 1stSgt? You […]
FORT HOOD, Texas — Army Criminal Investigation Division personnel at Fort Hood confirmed this morning that Pvt. 1st Class Wilson Jennings, Jr., committed “suicide-by-first-sergeant,” and his death will not be ruled a homicide. “This case displays all the classic suicide-by-proxy signs,” confirmed CID spokeswoman Allison LeMay. “Unbloused boots. Out-of-reg sideburns. Shamming out of work details and […]
TWENTYNINE PALMS, Calif. — 1st Sgt. Martin Blunt has been relieved by his command for failing to keep his rifle company properly demoralized, as he refused a direct order to be a raging cock at all times, Duffel Blog has learned. Blunt, the company first sergeant for Echo Co, 2nd Battalion, 7th Marines, was removed from his position after his battalion […]
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