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RAQQA, Syria — The reign of ISIS will soon be at an end, thanks to the latest overwhelming and decisive tactic employed by the US military: An airdrop of hundreds of laptops loaded with 130-slide PowerPoint presentations. “They’re not even password-protected,” said Adm. Michael S. Rogers, commander of US Cyber Command. “We want them to get […]
KANDAHAR, Afghanistan — After more than a decade tromping through the deserts and mountains of Afghanistan, the Joint Force has been diagnosed with arthritis, according to a publicly-released medical examination. “We are stunned and dismayed by this news,” Gen. John Nicholson said in a statement. “We are currently unsure how it will affect operations in […]
MCRD PARRIS ISLAND, S.C. — The Marine Corps Recruit Depot has once again found itself in hot water after officials allowed an ISIS fighter to pursue his dreams of learning the art of torture and degradation from the prestigious Marine Corps Drill Instructor School, sources confirmed today. Allahk Hazeen, a 25-year-old Syrian native and recent graduate, says he can’t […]
RAQQA, Syria — It’s March in Syria, and according to reporters on the ground, the air is palpable with exactly two things: The blast waves from 500-pound bombs, and the anticipation of Syria’s unveiling of its annual “March Sadness” bracket. “I have been looking forward to this since last year when ‘US Led Coalition’ didn’t even make it […]
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