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Tag: MREs

The highly anticipated new Meals-Ready-to-Eat flavor will be a literal bag of human shit, the Defense Logistics Agency confirmed today. While in the past the Department of Defense has poured millions of dollars into developing recipes like “Chili and Macaroni” and “Maple Sausage,” this time Army officials decided to give “those ungrateful troops a meal […]
CAMP PENDLETON, CA — Sources at 3rd Battalion 1st Marine Regiment (3/1) confirmed reports that Pfc. Alex Leddy delivered a record-breaking 12 pound, 8 ounce MRE food baby at 5:43AM this morning on Range K2. “Pfc. Leddy is expected to make a full recovery following a difficult labor, which was triggered by eating a packet of coffee grounds while smoking a Marlboro Red at […]
CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. – Corporal Jason Smyers spent the entirety of his weekend in the head following a two-week training exercise in the middle of nowhere, sources confirmed today. “Ah, finally. It’s just me and you, you dirty girl,” Smyers allegedly told the innocent, porcelain bowl while lighting an aromatic candle and strewing rose petals […]
CINCINNATI, OH — For over 30 years, Wornick Foods has been producing the Meals-Ready-To-Eat (MRE) that are familiar to troops worldwide. As the years have passed, the meals have changed substantially — and many troops agree — they’ve gotten better. “I remember my first MRE,” says Marine Staff Sergeant Nathan Puckett, “It was Country Captain Chicken. […]
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