Tag: North Korea

North Korea wins Olympic Gold Medal for ‘Crossing Red Lines’

On February 15, 2018

PYEONGCHANG, SOUTH KOREA — Team North Korea has scored an early success in the 2018 Winter Olympics after winning the Gold Medal for crossing red lines, sources confirmed today. Crossing red lines, in which competitors try to outdo each other in violating international norms and basic standards of human decency, has been a longtime Winter […]

Trump and Kim to face off in epic dance battle

By She-Ra

On September 26, 2017

WASHINGTON — The international nuclear feud between President Donald Trump and North Korean Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un will soon culminate in the last remaining non-military option, with both taking

Kim Jong-un lashes out at Trump for getting Elton John’s ‘Rocket Man’ stuck in his head

By Paul Sharpe

On September 23, 2017

PYONGYANG — North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un lashed out at President Donald Trump on Saturday, criticizing the president for getting the 1972 Elton John song “Rocket Man” stuck in his h

Army planners solve Korea tensions with proposal to move Seoul 300 miles south

By Gruff Sparty

On August 30, 2017

SEOUL — American military planners in South Korea have developed a solution to avoid civilian casualties in the event of a war with North Korea, sources confirmed today. “If this thing ever kicks off with North Korea, Seoul is gonna get slimed with all sorts of chem, hammered with artillery, and maybe even a nuke,” […]

Trump refuses to rule out ‘start a military apparel company’ option

By Danger Close

On August 15, 2017

WASHINGTON — After boasting on Twitter last week that he would not rule out a “military option” in both Venezuela and North Korea, President Donald Trump today refused to rule out the po

Pentagon deploys Mattis to Korean DMZ in massive show of force

By Paul Sharpe

On August 10, 2017

KOREAN DE-MILITARIZED ZONE — The Pentagon has deployed Defense Secretary Jim Mattis to the Korean de-militarized zone for a massive show of force against Pyongyang, sources confirmed today. Flanked

North Korea executes, trains new rocket scientists

By Semper I

On June 18, 2017

PYONGYANG — North Korean plans to train a new crop of rocket scientists soon after it executes its current cadre following its next failed ballistic missile launch, sources confirmed today. Dear Leader Kim Jong Un, who according to sources, was born of a dragonfly and a double rainbow, has demanded that his scientists and researchers […]

North Korea agrees to trade away nuclear weapons for Krispy Kreme franchise

By Gruff Sparty

On May 9, 2017

PYONGYANG — In a breakthrough negotiation amid escalating tensions on the Korean peninsula, North Korean leader Kim Jong-un has agreed to trade away all his nuclear weapons in exchange for a single

VA Outsources Call Centers To North Korea

By Jack S. McQuack

On February 19, 2016

WASHINGTON — Due to reports of excessive wait times and crisis calls being sent to voicemail, VA officials announced they are outsourcing all of their call centers to North Korea effective immediate

North Korean Hackers Upload Pornography To Sergeant Major’s Work Computer

By Erik Sullivan

On December 21, 2014

FORT BRAGG, N.C. — A network security specialist conducting an inspection of Command Sgt. Maj. Gregory York’s office computer has uncovered 84 pieces of malware along with 200 gigabytes of photo and video pornography the senior enlisted leader alleges was uploaded by North Korean hackers, Duffel Blog has learned. “Those sons of bitches,” York told […]

North Korean Hackers Threaten 9/11-Style Attack On Basic Rules Of English Grammar

By Paul Sharpe

On December 17, 2014

Coup D’état: Dennis Rodman Takes Over North Korea In Violent Overthrow

By Paul Sharpe

On October 10, 2014

PYONGYANG, North Korea — North Korean leader Kim Jong-un has been deposed in a violent overthrow led by Dennis Rodman, the former NBA basketball star who had been serving as Mayor of Pyongyang si

President Obama Calls Group Intervention To Stem Vladimir Putin’s Crimea Addiction

By Rob

On March 3, 2014

WASHINGTON — As Russian President Vladamir Putin sends troops to seize military bases and civil institutions in the Crimea area of Ukraine, U.S. President Barack Obama announced what the administration calls a “creative strategy” to ease tensions in the region. Obama, speaking from the White House briefing room, said intervention was the key. “I’m not talking […]