ISIS holds caliphate-wide safety stand-down after botched NYC terror attack
SYRIA — ISIS is initiating a caliphate-wide safety stand-down after one of its members injured himself on Monday with his own explosive device in New...
Terrorism
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Puerto Rico reaches out to Taliban for tips on getting US aid
SAN JUAN, Puerto Rico — Weeks after the island of Puerto Rico was devastated by Hurricane Maria, huge swaths of the territory are still without...
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Entire US Military to wear diapers after lieutenant shits pants
THE PENTAGON — In response to the unexpected soiling of a lieutenant’s underwear, every member of the U.S. armed forces will now be required to...
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Joint Force diagnosed with Arthritis
KANDAHAR, Afghanistan — After more than a decade tromping through the deserts and mountains of Afghanistan, the Joint Force has been diagnosed with arthritis, according...
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ISIS fighter marks himself safe on Facebook after firefight with US Special Forces team
RAQQAH, Syria – Kaalim al-Ibrahim, a front-line fighter for ISIS, has marked himself “safe” on Facebook after a firefight with US Special Forces, sources confirmed today....
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ISIS threatens to ‘release the Kraken’ in new video
RAQQA, Syria — Amid a rapidly-deteriorating military situation on all fronts, the self-proclaimed Islamic State has released a new video threatening to “release the kraken” against...
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Report: Terror attack stopped by heroic activist who established safe space in local mall
ST. CLOUD, Minn. – Shane Williams was standing in line at Orange Julius with his 6-year old daughter when the screaming started last week. Instinctively,...
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Obama releases Guantanamo detainees to make room for Syrian refugees
WASHINGTON — President Obama has released 15 detainees from the Guantanamo Bay detention center to make room for incoming waves of Syrian refugees, sources confirmed. This was the second major...
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Military community must condemn radicalized veterans say Trump, Congressional Republicans
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Following two incidents this month where veterans of the armed services murdered police officers, Republican presidential candidate Donald J. Trump and GOP congressional leaders...
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Suicide bomber can’t believe he forgot to send a Mother’s Day card
RAQQA, Syria – A suicide bomber admitted that he had completely forgotten about Mother’s Day and it was too late to fix his mistake, sources...
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“Whac-A-Mole: Jihadi Edition” A Hit At CENTCOM
TAMPA, Fla. — The popular arcade game “Whac-A-Mole” has released a new “Jihadi Edition” designed specifically for game rooms in U.S. Central Command’s (CENTCOM) Moral,...
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Poll: Support for another Crusade at highest level since 14th century
VATICAN CITY — For the first time in seven centuries, support for a new Crusade topped all other economic, religious, and foreign policy concerns, according to...
