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FORT BRAGG, NC – SPC Jason Smith is a high-speed E-4. He has been in the Army for ten, count em’, ten years. During his service, he’s been put in charge of a lot of things. CQ Duty, KP Duty, TOC Beautification, barracks cleaning details, and pretty much any other type of detail you can name. Right now, he’s in charge of a police call, and he really wishes you would get it done.

“Hey man, don’t shoot the messenger, I’m just saying. This came straight down from Top, man. I didn’t make this shit up. Just go do the police call so 1SG is happy man. Look, I know it’s bullshit but I’m just telling you what I was told. Hey, hey, listen here. I’ve been in the Army for ten freaking years. I know police calls like the back of my hand and I know how much they suck, but when Top says go get some guys and get a police call going, I do what I’m told. I guess that’s why I’m not an E-5 yet man, I don’t like breaking this kind of news to troops. Seriously though, get the fuck going on that police call, that trash isn’t going to pick itself up. Do you want 1SG crawling up your ass? No? Me neither. Now move out slick-sleeve before I have to go get a Sergeant and make him handle my light work.”

SPC Smith may not be an E-5, but he has the power of someone else’s rank on his side.

“Listen bub, are you going to stop typing on that damn computer and start police calling or what? Top said get this shit done by 1600 and it’s 1530 right now. You think you can police call the whole outside area of the HQ in thirty minutes? You must be planning on doing a pretty shitty job.”

Now Smith tries to change up his tactics a bit, playing somewhat of the good guy.

“Don’t worry, I’ll get 1SG to give you another thirty mikes to accomplish your task. I understand if you can’t function on my level. It’s pretty hard being me.”

SPC Smith is an avid douche bag and a constant wearer of Tap-Out t-shirts. His second favorite t-shirts are Affliction, followed by Ed Hardy.

“HEY! FIRST SERGEANT! HEY TOP! Yeah, this Private just keeps ignoring me Top! Yes 1SG, I told him you told me to get some guys to do the police call! Roger Top, I’ll take care of it.”

SPC Smith does not look happy.

“Alright man, fuck you slick-sleeve, I’ve got trash to pick up.”

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