USS Haditha Accidentally Sinks Fishing Boat, Machine-Guns Survivors G-Had June 10, 2012 Navy 43 Comments Follow Duffel Blog: MANAMA, Bahrain — In a rare setback for the international anti-piracy campaign off Somalia, U.S. Navy officials today admitted that the American warship USS Haditha accidentally sank a Chinese fishing vessel just east of Somalia and then inadvertently machine-gunned the survivors. This contradicted the Haditha‘s initial report, which said that it had been attacked by seven pirate skiffs and a pair of pirate-operated Mirage jets armed with Exocet missiles. Vice Adm. Mark I. Fox, the commander of the United States 5th Fleet, spoke to reporters following reports that a fishing vessel had been “blown out of the water” by “an unusually well-armed warship that happened to be flying an American flag.” Capt. Erik King, the commander of the Haditha, claims that his ship was simply following the rules of engagement. According to him, the Haditha originally spotted what it thought was a pirate vessel while patrolling 75 nautical miles east of Somalia. “She was casually steaming up and down the coast with a group of armed men on board, obviously lying in wait for the next innocent ship to steam across her path,” King said. Many fishing trawlers carry armed guards while sailing through Somali waters. When the Haditha demanded the fishing boat stop and be searched, its crew refused, claiming it was a sovereign vessel in international waters. “Under our current rules of engagement, we’re allowed to prevent any suspicious vessels from leaving the area, and that’s what we proceeded to do,” said King, referring to the Haditha‘s subsequent attack on the fishing boat with its 5 inch gun, Mark 46 torpedoes, and the Captain’s 9mm sidearm, which he fired from the bridge. After the boat sank, the survivors began swimming towards the Haditha, prompting King to order all four of the ship’s .50 caliber machine guns to open fire on them, as well as launch the ship’s SH-60 Seahawk helicopter to drop depth charges. “They were clearly attempting to board our vessel,” said King, “and the rules of engagement allow us to use deadly force to prevent potentially hostile individuals from ‘closing with or boarding’ our ship, so I’m unclear what the problem is.” According to an anonymous source from the Haditha, just before the attack King also told his sailors that he’d rather “be tried by 12 than carried by six.” The Haditha is an Arleigh Burke-class destroyer, designed to operate in an asymmetric environment just off the coast of a hostile or potentially-hostile territory. The ship has been particularly controversial for its habit of conducting escalations of force on Carnival Cruise ships with its Tomahawk Missiles, and of returning captains to their vessels with black eyes and claiming they fell off a ladder. A YouTube video was also discovered last year showing two members of the ship’s crew tossing baby seals off a glacier, although they claimed the seals were already dead at the time. UPDATE: Pending the results of a formal investigation, Captain King has been temporarily reassigned to Arlington National Cemetery. Dan Everly says: August 18, 2014 at 10:58 AM Hey,, this is on the internet it must be true, After all, I’m a French model. Travis Brickett says: April 22, 2014 at 3:09 PM The article neglects to mention that all serving aboard the ship at the time will be awarded the CAR. Alex Shelton says: April 22, 2014 at 2:54 PM “referring to the Haditha‘s subsequent attack on the fishing boat with its 5 inch gun, Mark 46 torpedoes, and the Captain’s 9mm sidearm, which he fired from the bridge.” Awesome. Dudley Toelke says: April 22, 2014 at 2:09 PM What, survivors? I thought this was the “one shot, twelve kills” guys? My confidence in naval gunfire has been shaken. Beejman Super says: April 22, 2014 at 1:39 PM O Captain! My Captain! our fearful trip is done; The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won; The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting, While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring: Nathaniel Walker says: April 16, 2014 at 1:24 AM Thank you for your service, sir. Matt Rolih says: April 16, 2014 at 1:24 AM This is fucking gold!!! Makes my morning!!!! Dudley Toelke says: January 25, 2014 at 9:42 PM @Jason. You forgot the whales-haven’t you seen Moby Dick? I can’t think of a better use of a 5″ gun on a destroyer than keeping the bastards in check. Michael Alexander says: December 15, 2013 at 6:18 PM WTF! Rikard Henrysson says: December 15, 2013 at 6:18 PM well done, damn thief fishermen. Angela Nelson says: December 15, 2013 at 6:18 PM I don’t see any problem here. Benjamin Allen says: December 15, 2013 at 6:18 PM This is the best parody ever. Michael Black says: December 15, 2013 at 6:18 PM A 9mm to attack a vessel, and then depth charges to deal with people swimming at you are I believe proper Navy procedure lol. I approve of both these actions. Now you sit back and refresh the page watching 1000 comments from idiots about how evil america is, and not realizing it’s a joke. This should be fun lol. Tommy Vercetti says: December 15, 2013 at 6:18 PM “referring to the Haditha‘s subsequent attack on the fishing boat with its 5 inch gun, Mark 46 torpedoes, and the Captain’s 9mm sidearm, which he fired from the bridge.” I got the mental image instantly and couldn’t help but laugh! lmao Kyle Kline says: December 15, 2013 at 6:18 PM AWESOME STORY WISH OUR COMMAND WAS MORE LIKE THAT GUY. Joe Attardi says: December 15, 2013 at 6:18 PM “A YouTube video was also discovered last year showing two members of the ship’s crew tossing baby seals off a glacier, although they claimed the seals were already dead at the time.” I laughed my ass off at that last sentence Daniel Barton says: December 15, 2013 at 6:18 PM American warship USS Haditha accidentally sank a Chinese fishing vessel just east of Somalia and then inadvertently machine-gunned the survivors. That shit is hilarious. Paul Woods says: December 15, 2013 at 6:18 PM Dude, you owe me a new keyboard! Stephanie Coons says: December 15, 2013 at 6:18 PM BAHAHAHA! Rick Fishbourne says: December 15, 2013 at 6:18 PM Love your work Bloke……The C.O. firing his 9mm from the bridge wing is a stroke of genius. Rick from Oz ex RAN. Margaret Trombley says: December 15, 2013 at 6:18 PM I am nervous to find this one funny with Panetta in office we may just end up with a USS Haditha. Mike McEachern says: December 15, 2013 at 6:18 PM That might be the funniest article I have ever read! I love the 9mm attack and the attacks on Carnival Cruise ships! Jason D Sousley says: December 15, 2013 at 6:18 PM Well duh what do you expect them to do with an obvious hostile ship? For fucks sake…baby seals are the number one causer of global warming in the world, well them and the dickhead dolphins. I don’t trust those filppered assholes. Timothy Jay Queen says: December 15, 2013 at 6:18 PM Well, we did launch the Haditha to project military power. I would say that those fishermen now have a clear understanding of “Gunboat Diplomacy”, and the Brave Captain and gallant crew’s actions were in good keeping with the proud traditions of the US Navy, and the ships namesake. Well done! Shane Connell says: December 15, 2013 at 6:18 PM The Capt firing from the bridge had me laughing so hard! Well done, well done. Joe Slattery says: December 15, 2013 at 6:18 PM I don’t know which is funnier: The actual story, or the people who think it’s real. Bob Zitek says: December 15, 2013 at 6:18 PM I have only one thing to say to Capt. King, thank you for your service. Stephen Croushore says: December 15, 2013 at 6:18 PM Surprised MSNBC and Mother Jones not running with this…. everglades private airboat tours says: November 6, 2012 at 4:34 AM Yes, Really an amazing story…And yes at last everything goes right… Katie says: October 13, 2012 at 3:38 AM Paul- You are my favorite writer on The Duffle Blog. Every thing you write makes me laugh so hard, I can’t read the article to anyone to explain why I’m laughing so hard!!! So instead I just run to the bathroom so I don’t pee my pants! Keep up the incredible work…….. Katie *It’s also hilarious to read the comments of the people who are offended* La-a says: August 23, 2012 at 9:07 AM I remeber Haditha PLace was a shithole. lived in the dam for a bit. Through FRAG’s into the water when we went fishing being MRE”S sucked StGuinefort says: July 19, 2012 at 12:14 PM *site. stupid fat fingers. Ricky Henderson says: July 19, 2012 at 1:03 PM That’s what she said. StGuinefort says: July 19, 2012 at 12:13 PM It’s the image of the Captain firing his pistol at the boat from the bridge, while it’s being torpedoed, that really makes this article. Stumbled onto this wite from Fark and I have to say, it’s fantastic. Keep up the good, hilarious work. Paul says: October 12, 2012 at 5:40 PM I know it took a while… but I’m just seeing your comment now. Wanted to say thanks! Dawn Eagle needs to lighten up... says: June 30, 2012 at 4:58 PM Quit taking this and yourself too seriously. Get off the soapbox and enjoy the joke. Dawn Eagle says: June 11, 2012 at 8:04 PM If a joke, this story is in poor taste and provides propaganda for the Islamist and Chicoms. If true, it demonstrates why the U.S. Navy has been relieving ship captains in wholesale lots. Derek "Doc" Clarno says: June 11, 2012 at 10:32 PM If trolling, your doing it wrong. If not trolling, you in the wrong internets, your looking for LOLCATS.com The Bear says: June 24, 2012 at 1:51 PM Fun fact: the “islamists” (wrong term, they are actually proper, true believers following Mohammed’s personal example) already hate us, they already want to kill all of us. What could this get any worse? Pits and Shagrins says: July 20, 2012 at 6:00 PM Now repeat after me Dawn…I am a big friggin’ douchebag incapable of telling fact from fiction. Actually go right now, find a blackboard, and write that 1,000 times. Katgirl says: June 10, 2012 at 4:41 PM This just dropped me to the floor laughing!