American-Born Jihadist Really Just Wants Attention From Hollywood
Mogidishu, Somalia - One of the most notorious American-born terrorists — who many believed to be dead — has resurfaced, looking for attention from Hollywood, and the possibility of moving on from his jihad.
Omar Shafik Hammami aka Abu Mansuur al-Ameriiki recently published the first part of his autobiography, detailing his road from a wayward youth in Alabama to a wanted terrorist in Somalia. He has also posted a video on You Tube confirming he was still alive as of May.
It may seem something of suicidal to expose himself in such a way, but as our crack team of investigators at TDB has discovered, Hammami just really wants “an out”, as he calls it.
Interview With An American Terrorist
Hammami agreed to meet with one of our Somali surrogates, but nonetheless seemed nervous, constantly glancing at the phone throughout the interview.
“Do you think he’ll call?” he asks. “Oliver Stone, I mean. Do you think he’ll call? I’ve got a call into his secretary. And his son. I’m hedging my bets.”
But the phone didn’t ring and Hammami just continued, frustrated over the phone’s silence.
Hammami made it plain that he needed an “exit strategy” from al-Shabaab, the al-Qaida-linked group to which he had until recently belonged. The alienated Alabama native who later turned to jihad in Somalia — has few options as a man without a country.
He needed to sell out.
“I have the ultimate rags-to-rags story. I can’t make a living on internet auto-biographies alone. I need to make bank. The muslims will benefit of course. I still give zakat!”
Hammani also spoke about his “epic Hollywood masterpiece in the making.”
“I think Hollywood will leap at my story. They just have to hear it. I’m a self-made man, after all who had it all, minus the success of course. And now because of a simple misunderstanding, it’s over. We could cast Shia LeBouf. True he’s a Jew, but I think I’d be willing to compromise rather than behead the casting director. Give him a fake beard. Why is this hard, honestly?”
No word yet on whether Oliver Stone or his son, in fact called.