Hawaii Army National Guard Unit Has Luau With Afghan Locals, Invites Friendship, Riots B July 15, 2012 Army 41 Comments Follow Duffel Blog: FOB SHIELDS, AFGHANISTAN – In an effort to move past cultural scandals involving U.S. military members in Afghanistan, members of the 28th Infantry Brigade Combat Team recently hosted a traditional luau at their Forward Operating Base. But tragically, what began as a way to bridge the gap between the Afghan people and the Hawaii National Guard unit ended in riots and what has been described as “a massacre.” Sergeant George Liebman, an infantryman with B Co, 1-158th Infantry, witnessed the events. “Well, my unit is part of the 28th IBCT, but we’re actually from Arizona. Some of the guys from Hawaii decided that a luau would be the perfect way to create a renewed friendship between us and the locals. It’s some kind of Hawaiian tradition or something. So they put this pig in the ground which had to cook for about 13 hours. Then we went out on a foot patrol inviting all the village elders and shop owners to come to the base for the luau. We couldn’t exactly explain what a luau was, so we told them it was like a tribal festival with lots of food and friendship.” The invitation was welcomed by the villagers, with over two-hundred showing up at the base. “I don’t know who decided to put this all together, but they really didn’t think it through,” said Liebman. “As soon as them Hawaiians took the cover off the pig and lifted it up, the locals all started freaking out. Some elder started shouting ‘Harem, Harem!’ which I think means ‘what the fuck?'” “All the young guys started screaming and throwing rocks. We tried to settle them down, but before we knew it we had a full scale riot on the FOB.” Specialist Max Garcia believed the soldiers had no choice but to defend themselves. “Our only option was to open fire. I mean, we yelled ‘ALOHA MEANS FRIENDSHIP AND LOVE’ as we were shooting, but I don’t think anything we said mattered at that point in time,” said Garcia, “mostly because damn, the .50 cal is loud!” By the end of the riot, there were approximately 50 Afghans wounded and 15 dead. The local tribe has condemend the actions of the 28th as purely evil and pagan, saying that the US was trying to force Satan himself upon the locals. The pig was left unnattended during the firefight, during which it began to rain, causing a delicious pork runoff to seep into the village’s ground water around FOB Finely Shields. The 28th has decided not to reveal this information to the village elders. [Editor’s Note: You’ll notice the unit designation is a fictitious one. This is at the request of the real Hawaii NG unit who are soon deploying overseas.] Don't miss the next story.Get the latest news and alerts from Duffel Blog delivered to your inbox—free. Short URL: http://duffelblog.com/rBaQS AJ Nutter says: April 16, 2014 at 1:24 AM Amazing. Completely speechless. Ethan Tremblay says: April 16, 2014 at 1:24 AM This is great! Good work Paul. This guy directly below me, is an idiot. Elijah Foster says: April 16, 2014 at 1:24 AM Cool I fall under the 29th. Alan Slinsky says: April 16, 2014 at 1:24 AM I think I must have slept through that day… Elias Banales says: April 16, 2014 at 1:24 AM I was at FOB Oreilly in 06 with these guys, Task Force Konohiki, and the idiot NCOIC Mstr Sgt Lankey Morill actually did this, a pit roasted pig. Pissed off our Terps, myself as well, it was just stupid. 4th of July Allan Vargas says: April 16, 2014 at 1:24 AM This is great! Really enjoyed it. It’s too funny. Hugh Robertson says: April 16, 2014 at 1:24 AM Doesn’t the military teach soldiers that muslims don’t eat pork? Do they only recruit skinhead, heavy metal listening macho, over testasteroned worthless shitbags? Sheez! Time for Amerika to get out of the military business. We always do more harm than good. The whole enterprise is only to make capitalists richer while killing innocent people. Pete Duras says: April 16, 2014 at 1:24 AM Too funny. I’m long time out of the army now so what the heck. I feed MRE pork slices to Iraqis durring the first gu;f war. My squad and I had a good laugh when we told them waht they ate. I got pictures lol. Jason D Sousley says: April 16, 2014 at 1:24 AM That looks so delicious…I am now very hungry. Dudley Toelke says: April 16, 2014 at 1:24 AM Have more luaus. Noneya Spencer says: April 16, 2014 at 1:24 AM Oh dear god. My very own unit, were leaving in a month for afghan, and I see this article. L – O – Fucking – L. Elias Banales says: April 16, 2014 at 1:24 AM Oh yes Elton it happened. I protested and asked how about just some steaks, burger and beef hot dogs, but they refused. I was the only one that thought it a bad idea, we had twelve Muslims assinged as interpreters and they didn’t say anything out loud but I’m sure they did back in the villages. The Hawaiian guys kept hanging pork over tgem and messing with them. Not exactly ” winning the hearts and minds”. Scott McDaniel says: April 16, 2014 at 1:24 AM Some of you folks know this is a parody….right? So much for literacy. Taylor Crowe says: April 16, 2014 at 1:24 AM bahahahaha “HARAM HARAM!” Davis Bunting says: April 16, 2014 at 1:24 AM Aloha means friendship and love! hahahahaha this is one of the better articles recently. Flavia Mestiza Grubbs says: April 16, 2014 at 1:24 AM AMAZING! hahahahahah! hhahahaahah! u guys make my day! Benjamin Steele says: April 16, 2014 at 1:24 AM Brilliant ending lines: “The pig was left unnattended during the firefight, during which it began to rain, causing a delicious pork runoff to seep into the village’s ground water around FOB Finely Shields. “The 29th has decided not to reveal this information to the village elders.” Donald Michael Dressen says: April 16, 2014 at 1:24 AM So I wonder how many friends back home were involved in this Jennifer Cavenee says: April 16, 2014 at 1:24 AM Mmmm, delicious pork runoff… Eric Buhrer says: April 16, 2014 at 1:24 AM So are the apparent idiots who appear to take this as legit actually part of the show, or are there really that many people whose senses of humor never dropped? And is that a prerequisite for being an officer in the USMC? Brad Arms says: April 16, 2014 at 1:24 AM what assholes don’t they know muslims cant eat pork. MattieA65 says: September 9, 2012 at 6:21 PM This is great! I always wanted to tune into the Phil Hendrie Show while on a road trip with my Dad, because I just knew he would think it was a real show, and I would be trying not to laugh for the hour or two it would have taken him to catch on. He would have been agreeing with “Vernon Dozier,”or wondering who could stay married to that “Bobbie Dooley” chick. Now I can see similar dramas playing out on Duffelblog.com. Mannie says: August 30, 2012 at 11:59 AM The Onion in BDUs! Speedy says: July 30, 2012 at 2:49 AM Just found the site, been laughing my head off for the last hour. On a serious note for a sec.. My understanding is that pig was not eaten because it could be deadly if not cooked properly (Parasites etc in Pigs love humans as well.) Over the years, this “Don’t eat it or die in pain” became a “god said not to do it” rule. Just goes to show the religions who do not update their rule books miss out on yummy bacon. We should pity these people, but those with the conviction to pass on yummy bacon because of a ancient (out of date) health warning are to be commended for their faith. LeakeJS says: July 27, 2012 at 12:17 PM 29th IBCT is Hawaii. tsimri says: July 23, 2012 at 3:43 PM Where did they get the whole pig from? Roughrider says: July 20, 2012 at 7:58 AM My only question is what did they have planned for dessert? SGT B says: July 16, 2012 at 7:53 PM Just so you guys know, I was on location with the guys from B Co. and all they wanted to do was share their love of delicious ground roasted pork with the Afghans. Everyone thought that the whole “do not eat pork” thing wouldn’t matter once the Afghans got a taste of this delicious pig as the meat fell right off the bones. RipWaxmaster says: July 16, 2012 at 8:17 PM Well, I sure can’t dock the guys from B Co. for giving it a try. But I’d just about bet that it’s all in the preparation of the meat. Maybe the locals prefer smoked pork with some sort of traditional marinade? There just has to be a way to win their hearts! David says: July 16, 2012 at 5:05 PM But the question remains: Did they use their left hands to eat the pupu platter? RipWaxmaster says: July 16, 2012 at 8:25 AM I’m just glad they decided to use a .50 instead of the Battalion HAARP array. Good thinking, guys! Campbell says: July 16, 2012 at 2:13 AM Has this been verified? There are several things about this that do not pass the ‘smell test.’ First: where did they get the pig in the first place? Second how come nobody remembered their training on Mulsim beliefs and customs? And finally – who uses a .50 on rioters? Lt. Butero-Trinkejo says: July 17, 2012 at 4:22 PM Excuse me I know from experience that the Duffel Blog is the highest of journalistic integrity! Osama bon Jovi says: July 18, 2012 at 11:04 AM I agree, sir. The jouralistic integrity of “The Duffel Blog” is infallable! RipWaxmaster says: July 18, 2012 at 6:18 PM Rumor has it that even the BIG satire news outlets are starting to take notice. Fox, CNN, MSNBC… they’re all starting to wonder if they should file bankruptcy and run like hell before they suffer the same fate as The Onion. http://duffelblog.wpengine.com/2012/05/needs-photo-duffel-blog-writers-launch-surprise-air-assault-on-onion-news-network/ Combat Tracker says: July 21, 2012 at 5:24 AM Campell your a dumbass. why are you even on this page. Pigs are everywhere in muslim countries but the press just report them. and they used Old English 50 on the rioters. E-ric says: July 15, 2012 at 12:22 PM Duh! Muslims and Jews do not eat pork. Take a class, open a book. Lt. Butero-Trinkejo says: July 16, 2012 at 12:19 AM Well E-ric, I do believe that this was an unforeseen clash of cultures. How were some native pacific Islanders to know that mountainous Muslims would be offended by the offering of a hot meal? If anyone should be offended it should be the kind infantrymen who took the time to dig a large hole and prepare the meal in a traditional manner. I say to the closed minded and bigoted muslims of that area to open a book and learn that to refuse a meal from Americans is completely rude! Kevin P. McQuade says: September 11, 2012 at 1:12 AM 10-40 There LT Me thinks one might considering having the next Load Smasher Piss All Over the next HUmane Ain’t Tarey an Air Poop Of CHITLIN CRAKLINS them little bugger buff hers just Love so much. Think Militaray & INTELIGENCE can come together on something of this mag nitwit tube, with out it coming out spelled : SITREPNORMALFUCUP ? Osama bon Jovi says: July 18, 2012 at 11:03 AM E-ric, you are perhaps one of the most mentally retarded people I have even seen pass judgement so quickly. I think you need to review some more articles on “The Duffel Blog” to get a feel for what it is about. Pits and Shagrins says: July 18, 2012 at 5:53 PM Duh! You are an idiot!!! Take your own advice. Dust off that encyclopedia and look up satire!