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NORFOLK, VA — Staff Sergeant Jonathan Barber knows that the job of a Casualty Assistance Calls Officer (CACO) is one of the toughest in the military.

When a service member dies overseas, a special CACO Team is assembled to go break the news to the family of the deceased and then help them through the aftermath and funeral.

“While there’s a lot of sadness involved, you can take some solace in knowing that you’re helping fallen comrades get the respect which they deserve,” Barber said.

Of course that was before Barber got the call to notify a Virginia family that their son had died while masturbating in a porta-john in Afghanistan.

Barber called Duffel Blog as he and his CACO Team were en route to meet with the Marine’s family.

“Seriously, what the hell am I going to say when they ask how their son died?” Barber asked.

“I could say it was in a non-combat incident, but the moment VMU-2 is off River City [Reduced Communications status], it’s going to be all over the news.”

The deceased Marine was a member of Marine Unmanned Aerial Vehicle Squadron 2 (VMU-2) at Camp Leatherneck in Afghanistan, and was found dead this afternoon in a porta john in a state of obvious sexual arousal.

The initial medical investigation was that the Marine died of masturbatory overexertion compounded by heat exhaustion from the triple-digit temperature.

His name is being withheld until his family is notified, but Duffel Blog has learned it rhymes with “Tater”.

“His commanding officer told me the Marine wasn’t even masturbating to porn in there. It was just a video of some Serbian guy hitting women with a shovel,” complained Barber. “Oh Jesus!  His father’s a retired General too!”

“Remember when that one father set fire to the CACO team’s van?” asked CACO Member Corporal Chris Zia. “That’s the only way this could get worse.”

“No,” replied Barber. “Remember when that one guy stepped on the 300 lb pressure plate IED meant to take out a tank? Every time they found a body part we had to go back and notify his family.”

“Oh yeah,” said Corporal Zia. “I swear to God, we were over there for the next two months.”

“‘Sorry to bother you again, but we just found your son’s left big toe.'”

In a related story, the Supply Officer for VMU-2 is soliciting ideas for what sort of letter he should include with the deceased Marine’s possessions, which include a terabyte of explicit pornography, two fleshlights, and a string of anal beads.