DoD Announces New Inverted Multi-Purpose Ballistic Tomahawk Bayonet (IMBTB) armydave August 5, 2012 The Pentagon 29 Comments Follow Duffel Blog: WASHINGTON, D.C. – Department of Defense officials recently announced the limited deployment of the new Inverted Multi-Purpose Ballistic Tomahawk Bayonet, or IMBTB. The new piece of tactical equipment is being assigned to a select number of ‘specialty units’ currently fighting the war on terror in Afghanistan. “The IMBTB is a combination of military hardware in one sleek and deadly package. It was designed to fit nearly all of a soldier’s combat needs while remaining somewhat unobtrusive and tactical,” said Major General John Manning of Army Research, Development and Engineering Command. The IMBTB has a sharp edge designed for quick chopping motions, a medium sized handle for effective manipulation, and a head which can be unscrewed for storage. Military officials have said that the IMBTB will initially be stocked with five matches, a small compass, maps, and two gallons of pressurized JP-8 fuel. “This is cutting edge military technology,” said Representative Buck McKeon, committee chair for House Armed Services Committee. “This is a classic example of looking to history to find new and adaptive solutions to modern military problems.” The IMBTB is not limited to melee, survival, or storage functions, according to Pentagon sources. It can be attached on the bottom of various standardized military weaponry. Once mounted on the bottom of a standard M16A4, the IMBTB allows a soldier or Marine to fire a 5.56 round 3110 feet per second at an effective range of about 550 meters. “This is truly a cross-service technology. Following the general trend of mounting stuff under the barrel of M16s, we have attempted to create something truly versatile,” said General Manning. “Our researchers felt we had reached the limits of physics and reason with under-the-barrel mounting technology. We had to look for less obvious attachment positions. This is the culmination of those efforts.” The IMBTB is slated for widespread distribution later this year to all support personnel who never leave their designated Forward Operating Bases while deployed. Aidan Ross says: February 7, 2014 at 4:40 PM Could you imagine how many knee caps would be gone if this thing were real? lol muzzle control! Michael Flynn says: February 7, 2014 at 4:40 PM Not to rain on the parade, but Marines beat the crap out of Barbary pirates after the War of 1812 by throwing tomahawks while boarding pirate ships. The rate of fire was much better than black powder guns, they were accurate, and the “shock and awe” effect was substantial. You know how it is. When you shoot bullets at Superman he doesn’t flinch, but throw an empty gun at him and watch him duck! Jason D Sousley says: February 7, 2014 at 4:40 PM This is the greatest weapon ever developed by the army! Justin E. Miller says: February 7, 2014 at 4:40 PM Maybe I’m missing it because it’s not blatantly obvious, but is the acronym a joke like RIMJOBS was? Matthew Maltby says: February 7, 2014 at 4:40 PM Git Sum! Given the recent R-E-A-L Anti-Zombie exercises being conducted by the Marines, this actually has a shot at becoming an inventoried item! Ken Warner says: February 7, 2014 at 4:40 PM I would totally sign back up if this were real. Prithvi Jagannath says: February 7, 2014 at 4:40 PM hahahahah http://gizmodo.com/5932290/us-army-changing-bayonets-for-tomahawks Kevin Wilson says: February 7, 2014 at 4:40 PM I want one. Gimme gimme gimme. Terence Nelan says: February 7, 2014 at 4:40 PM You forgot to mention that the IMBTB costs 82,575.00 (USD) each. Igger says: October 23, 2012 at 3:41 AM “…but it later emerged that the source of that erroneous report was Duffelblog — a military spoof website modeled on The Onion.” -daily caller “Aaaaaand I was wrong. As reader Leah tells me, the Duffelblog is the equivalent of the Onion in the military. The problem with the US military is that sometimes their contraptions get so wacky that I can believe anything they say. My mistake, people. Sorry about that.” -gizmodo Ahhhh, I love this site… Wzrd1 says: August 15, 2012 at 1:55 PM In other news, the US Army has introduced an officer’s model M-16 for new junior officers. The front sight post has “Front Toward Enemy” on the muzzle side. SalisburyMarine says: August 7, 2012 at 12:50 PM …On the more serious side… American troops going back at least to the Civil War seemed to show a preference for using the rifle butt more than the “pointy end…” If forced to do without a rifle, an E-Tool was favored by many. In Vietnam, for all the “lore” surrounding the K-Bar… many Marines ordered tomahawks from Ken Nolan and other firms. C. Spicyweiner says: August 7, 2012 at 9:25 AM Congrats to TDB for getting picked up by gizmodo as a real article! Keep up the good work! C. Spicyweiner says: August 7, 2012 at 9:40 AM By that I mean having this article mistaken as fact and posted on gizmodo… Paul says: August 7, 2012 at 10:56 AM Thanks! We’re still waiting on the Pulitzer Committee to realize the important work that we’re doing over here.