WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a controversial move sure to send shockwaves throughout the Corps, President Obama announced today that Commandant of the Marine Corps Gen. Jim Amos will soon be replaced by Gen. James Mattis.

Amos indicated his plans to resign early — having served only two years out of the four-year term as Commandant — saying that "he's getting too old for this shit."

"I'm just sick of dealing with these savages in the press and in Congress. They keep asking me questions about snipers pissing on people, nazi flags, and other crap," said Amos. "I figure Jim [Mattis] will certainly know how to handle them."

Not one to mince words, Gen. Mattis is known for controversial quotes — once telling a reporter that it was "fun to shoot some people," and that his Marines should always "have a plan to kill everyone they meet."