DoD Announces Support For ‘Military Bronies’
Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta spoke to members of the media along with over twenty grown men in the audience who he said “had a really creepy love affair with ‘My Little Pony’ — not that there’s anything wrong with that.”
The “bronies” are fans of the My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic television show, an animated series that follows a unicorn pony named Twilight Sparkle. Most of the show’s fan base is made up of young girls.
“While it may seem contradictory for those men you expect to have a killer instinct to enjoy My Little Pony, I do not believe so and I applaud the members of the Military Bronies for their bravery and sacrifice,” said Panetta. “With the recent repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, we can’t expect any less from our military than to accept each and every service member, regardless of what fucked up stuff they’re into.”
Panetta also stated that the mission of FOB Equestria and the combat units in Afghanistan “are one in the same.”
“Our mission in Afghanistan is similar to the Military Bronies motto of ‘Love and Tolerate.’ I see no reason why the two can’t coexist.”
General Martin Dempsey also stood behind the bronies, and rebuffed critics who say they bring a negative image to the Army.
“Really, I couldn’t care less. The guys that are into this shit, they’re POG’s [Persons Other Than Grunt]. It’s not like you’re going to see a grunt with one of those rainbow colored lighting patches. A rainbowThe Colors of the 42nd Infantry Division
patch would probably be the gayest thing I could imagine in the Army.”
When reminded of the 42nd Infantry Division’s rainbow patch, General Dempsey commented, “Fuck me! Seriously? Great, well now I know what unit to recommend we get rid of first with these budget cuts.”
Even the Taliban has caught on to the new trend and released a statement to TDB.
“What the hell is this shit? They’re going to love and tolerate us to death? Seriously though, these guys are creepy, make your American General get rid of them. First you hit us with glitter bombs, and now this blatant human rights violation. Eleven years of waging war, and this is what America has to offer? Magical ponies?”
The leaders of FOB Equestria have praised the DOD for it’s support of their alternative lifestyle as they seek to make the armed forces a safe place for child mole….. bronies.