National Association of Second Lieutenants Responds To Criticism
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The National Association of Second Lieutenants released a statement and held a press conference today in response to almost universal criticism their members have been receiving from soldiers, Marines, and airmen.
The statement comes on the heels of a controversial change to the military’s promotion scheme.
The group spokesman, Second Lieutenant Jack Brietovich, was late for the press conference due to an apparent problem with his 2006 Hyundai's GPS system. After he arrived, he then realized that he left the typed statement in his other pants -- forcing him to send his driver, PFC Michael Wilson to find it.
The press conference began two and a half hours late, and caused those attending to get stuck in traffic leaving post, miss dinner with their children, and file their reports after deadlines.
Once behind the podium, Brietovitch unfolded a sheet of paper and read casually. “Boo-fucking-hoo,” the statement began, in a mock whiny voice, “I hate the LT soooo much. He mak…
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to Duffel Blog to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.