To Top

Army Launches ‘Eat Right, Don’t Eat At The Chow Hall’ Campaign

FORT BRAGG, NC – The Army launched its new health initiative today, which spokesmen called the “Eat Right, Don’t Eat at the Chow Hall” campaign.

“Historically the military has served the healthiest, best food we could supply our soldiers,” said Army Public Affairs Officer Captain James Dale at a press conference, “But we have come to believe a balanced diet should include something other than mac n’ cheese, meatloaf, and pizza casserole.  We are committed to keeping our soldiers in the best shape possible, so we are doing our best to provide them food with real nutritional content.”

The Army’s new dietary guidelines encourage soldiers to buy their own groceries and lists healthy restaurants out in town. They also encourage troops to steer clear of dietary pitfalls such as high-calorie foods, sodas, and all base dining facilities.

“I haven’t been to the chow hall in days,” Corporal David Stone said when asked about his new diet.  “I feel better already.  The only thing I miss is the breakfast rice.”

“Yeah, there was a salad bar at the chow hall,” Private Sarah West said when asked about the campaign, “But nobody ever ate that crap.  I tried once and I threw up.”

A poster for the new campaign shows the food in the chow line, with the caption “Would you serve this to your family?” Another poster shows a soldier snapping a pancake in half.

“We also decided to reduce the calorie count of our meals by making our portions smaller,” CPT Dale said.  “However, the all you can eat dessert bars will remain.”

In a related story, a small number of U.S. prisons are dealing with riots after inmates complained about the influx of foods sent to them from military dining facilities. Inmates have said that the food constitutes “cruel and unusual punishment” on their digestive tracts.

Sort by:   newest | oldest | most voted
1 year 5 months ago

This dumb is dumb shit …. the DFAC here in Germany are pretty darn good, its just not enough serving. We even have soul food thursdays here and the DFAC is full of civilians and other families so it might just be Fort Brag, the salad bar here is even off the chain.. idk what u guys complain about be thank full the army doesnt just feel u soup n bread all the damn time… This is ridiculous

1 year 11 months ago

Diet is one of the most important aspects of your life and America has “theme park food”… Hope a lot of you progress towards vegetarianism : D.

1 year 11 months ago

Best food I ever ate was Clark Air Force Base, many, many years ago, when I was TAD.Steak, and Lobster for supper, made to order omletts FOR BREAKFAST.I was stationed at Subic, now everyone knows navy chow halls are great, but af chow halls rock.Semper Fi.

1 year 11 months ago

Best chow I ever ate was at two places. The DFAC at Goodfellow Air Force Base, and the Army’s chow tent (aka Windy’s) at Al Dhafra. Somehow the Army food made in a tent was far better than the Air Force chow served in both full-size dining facilities. Talk about reversing the stereotype.

1 year 11 months ago food I had was a DFAC at a national guard training site. How natty guard food is better than navy food, I am not quite sure.

More from Army