Hardest Working Sailor Determined By Shiniest Boots, Immaculate Uniform
NORFOLK, VA – Yeoman Third Class Roger Dawes was named USS Gonzalez’s Junior Sailor of the Year for maintaining an immaculate boot shine, military creases in his coveralls, and having the “most pointless basic military requirements knowledge”, according to a press release from his chain of command.
“I definitely feel like I earned this,” YN3 Dawes said after the award ceremony. “The other sailors are great, don’t get me wrong, but my boots are just that shiny. You can see yourself in these bad boys.”
“I really think he deserves it,” Boatswain’s Mate Second Class John Wake said, hanging off the bow and sanding the anchor. “He puts a lot of time into ironing his working uniforms so he can look good doing paperwork.”
A wind picked up and slammed BM2 Wake against the anchor. “Ow,” he said, shaking off a concussion. “Yeah, Dawes works the hardest.”
“There were four candidates this year, and we put it up to a vote in the Chief’s mess,” Command Master Chief Derek Smalls said. “A lot of chiefs were going to vote for BM2 Wake, but I mentioned that I saw him walking around the passageways with his coverall sleeves rolled up. Then I pointed out that Dawes was the only one who knew the Alliance was the last frigate in service before the Navy disbanded in 1785. That sealed the deal, Dawes got a unanimous vote.”
“I wish I could work as hard as Dawes does,” Engineman Third Class Jane Summers said as she worked in the engine room. “Oh shit,” she said as a pipe broke, spraying her with oil. “I mean, his uniforms are always perfect. He even has creases in his coveralls, that’s dedication.”
“I went up for Bluejacket of the Quarter back when I was a seaman,” BM2 Wake said. “They asked me what the most difficult part of my job was. I said stand lookout when it’s forty degrees with twenty two knot winds. The guy who won was in supply and he said ‘keep the vending machines stocked.’ That’s rough, I’m glad I don’t have to do that.”