NEW YORK, NY - Famed television personality Bill O'Reilly is in critical condition today at a New York City hospital after being wounded by gunfire in the latest battle of the War on Christmas.
O'Reilly, a political commentator of Fox News' "The O'Reilly Factor", also serves as Commanding General of the Christian Philosophy Brigade, which has been fighting the dark forces of the Secular Empire since 1997.
"The secularists have fought us in many battles," O'Reilly said in one segment where he highlighted key engagements. "At every turn, we have been able to maintain our perimeter and ensure the safety of Christmas for every Christian, Jew, Muslim, and Buddhist who celebrates it."
