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Soldier Shoots Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

FT LEONARD WOOD, MO — Military police were called last night to the home of U.S. Army Sgt. Daniel Maddox, after an altercation involving his wife Karen and a large man in a red suit.

Neighbors provided Duffel Blog with a description of the events as they heard them.

“Well, I’m sitting on my porch having a cigarette, and I hear such a clatter of screaming,” begins neighbor Reevis Jenkins.

“Suddenly, I hear Danny [Maddox] yelling, ‘Oh fuck no, I didn’t go through four deployments to come home to this shit. You promised last time would be the last time. Well I can guaran-damn-tee you this shit won’t be happening again. And you stand the fuck still, fat man. You’re next.’”

At that point, according to Reevis, he heard multiple gunshots, and he called the police.

Police have already released the transcript of the 911 call from the Maddox’s six year-old son, who called during the commotion. His name is being withheld for privacy reasons.

According to the transcripts, the dispatcher asked the boy where he was.

“I was supposed to be in bed. But it was Christmas Eve, so I went downstairs to see what Santa brought me,” the boy told the 911 emergency operator.

“What did you see?” the dispatcher asked.

“I saw my Mommy under the mistletoe kissing Santa,” the boy said.

“And then what happened?” the dispatcher asked.

“At first, I thought it would be funny if Daddy had come home and seen it, but then he did come home and it wasn’t funny at all,” the young boy sobbed.

This was apparently not the first time police had been called to the Maddox residence.

Apparently the previous Christmas, Maddox had to be physically restrained after screaming at his wife, “I see you when you’re sleeping! I know when you’re awake! I know when you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake!”

Maddox remains in custody and refused to provide comment to Duffel Blog, saying only that he still loved his wife and was hopeful that they could work it out.

1 year 7 months ago

Leave it to an Army wife to find the oldest fattest dude around to cheat on her husband with.

1 year 7 months ago

It may be satire people, but it’s still better reporting than Big Media.

1 year 7 months ago

I know this is off topic but I am so happy. I have waited 45 years for this and my ex-wife made it all come true.
The garage was cleared out and I simply waited and waited. This morning everything was there. It was completely assembled and came with instructions in Mandarin Chinese.

It is a counterfeit Browning Machine Gun, Cal..50, M2, HB, Flexible, and it came with 50,000 rounds of ammunition. The whole garage is filled with ammunition cans, and a quadmount frame that will hold three more guns. It was supposed to come with a single pintle post mount for… Read more »

1 year 7 months ago

Santa didn’t come to my house last year and now I know why.

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