Soldier Discharged For ‘Having His Goddamned Hands in His Pockets’, Says CSM B January 18, 2013 Army 55 Comments Follow Duffel Blog: FT LEONARD WOOD, MO – A soldier with the 318th Military Police Company is being processed out of the Army after being found by his Sergeant Major as having “his goddamn hands in his pockets,” according to his discharge paperwork. According to his unit, Sergeant Thomas Burnette is pending separation for failing to maintain the Army’s standards. His separation comes at a time when the Army is cracking down on maintaining a “soldierly” appearance. The guidelines of soldierly appearance are not entirely clear, but in a memo penned by Command Sergeant Major of the Army Raymond Chandler, the top enlisted leader pushed for non-commissioned officers Army-wide to crack down on “soldiers looking like bags of smashed assholes.” Command Sergeant Major Harold Bond, CSM of the 625th Military Police Battalion, was the driving force behind Burnette’s general discharge. “I was driving on to post one morning and as I pulled up to the check point, I noticed SGT Burnette standing there with his hands in his pockets. I’ve never seen such an ate up sack of shit in my life. It was only 15 degrees outside, it’s not like it was that cold,” said Bond in an interview with Duffel Blog. “I was in Korea when it was negative two and I didn’t even THINK about putting my hands in my pockets! It’s this lack of attention to detail and failure to take pride in presenting a soldierly appearance that gets troops killed everyday.” CSM Bond continued: “I knew then that I had to make sure this soup-sandwich was gone. Hell, I even heard a rumor he walked around with his sunglasses on his head and his PT socks were below his ankles. What kind of NCO just fails his troops so catastrophically? If he got deployed he’d probably get his whole FOB killed.” Despite being forced out of service, Burnette agreed with the Sergeant Major’s assessment. “You know, the Sergeant Major is right. I guess after two deployments to Iraq and one to Afghanistan I’ve just started to lose my edge. I’ll just hope that McDonald’s will be willing to hire a Bronze Star with Valor holder. Maybe I’ll be able to stick to the uniform regulations there.” Don't miss the next story.Get the latest news and alerts from Duffel Blog delivered to your inbox—free. Short URL: http://duffelblog.com/TnJXi Iain Reid says: November 18, 2014 at 9:30 PM To whom it may concern (and they are many) Jesus H Christ! You DO REALISE this is a satirical Blog, don’t you? You are not really SO FUCKING DENSE you could be used as a Nuclear Weapon core as to believe this is true are you? Nathaniel Walker says: July 20, 2014 at 6:44 PM This is a disgrace to men in uniform! Who is his Congressman?! Alan Orth says: June 12, 2014 at 6:59 PM “If he got deployed he’d probably get his whole FOB killed.” Not just his buddy, not just his team, not just his squad, not just his platoon or company…the WHOLE FOB! John Griffin says: June 3, 2014 at 7:43 PM Whats next? A goddam pledge pin on his uniform? Marc Prud'homme says: May 22, 2014 at 1:10 PM Well even if getting discharge because of hands in pocket is definitely excessive, you have to slow down and read between the lines. The soldier may have been in trouble multiple amount of times for reason of the same nature and this was the last drop, its easy to judge when you dont have all the details. And the army is not for everyone, if you cant understand that details do matter or just not welling to follow them, then you simply dont belong in the Army, move on and get another job. Thanks for your service and carrion. Adam Leierer says: April 18, 2014 at 8:24 PM I served in the army for 9 years and this is dumb to me and the old saying goes the higher ranking you the stupider you get Jack Mosby says: April 16, 2014 at 3:39 AM I’m thinking that the Sgt Major is Wrapped Way 2 Tight he’s just Pi$$ed the Sarge didn’t have his hands in His Pockets giving Him a Reach around Semper Fi dat Kevin Cencelewski says: April 11, 2014 at 4:54 PM Ate-up soldiers like this probably chew gum in formation without bringing enough for everybody too! Michelle Hartvigsen says: April 11, 2014 at 4:54 PM Hmmmm, hands in pockets, vs. beards and turbins??? WTF??? Unless there is something specifically stating “no hands in pockets” then why the big deal. Sounds like someone is too full of themselves to force him out of service!! So very petty! Don Green says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM and yet the “potty mouth” is a CSM. Shana Woodfield says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM Is this the Army’s version of The Onion? Issue the guy some gloves then maybe he won’t have to use his pockets. Justin Critchley says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM LMAO Javier Ocasio says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM I am puertorrican . sometimes we used to put our hands in the pocket. It is like part of us.we fight for usa.we die for the usa. I sacrifice for the usa. I am pruod of my uniform. Igot a master degree.speccialy if you are pr we used to do that. That something stupid. Justin E. Miller says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM I hope he remembers that when women say they love a man in uniform, going to the club after a long shift cooking fries for the clown with his polo and visor proudly displaying the golden arches will keep them at bay. Alan Isntevenmyname Gloss says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM The real failure is why the Army can’t figure out how to take the pockets out of it’s uniforms. McDonald’s issue uniforms without front pockets to prevent theft, but the Army can’t seem to figure out how to design uniforms to prevent the senseless discharge of troops! Steve Smith says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM “The guidelines of soldierly appearance are not entirely clear”? really, black and white regs won’t suffice for these new kids? fuggem, discharge! Chris Biery says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM Jesse Garchow, did you write this? Davidand Mary Olsen says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM The next one will be the PT belt over the left instead of the right shoulder! LMAO! Andrew Shepherd says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM I just think its a bit extreme.lol. Robert Spear says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM bag of smashed assholes….lol. Gary Showalter says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM This was a hoot to read. Thanks. When I reported in to the Student Brigade for OCS at Ft.Benning in the mid-60’s, we were told to have our uniforms (khakies and fatigues) tailored and tapered and be damn sure all of our pockets were sewn shut by the tailor. Damn good idea if you ask me… Matt Swan says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM I wonder if he’ll be able to wear his bronze star on his McDonalds uniform? David Holifield says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM I love it! Rey Zuniga says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM LMFAO! Robert Bitterman says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM “I noticed SGT Burnette standing there with his hands in his pockets. I’ve never seen such an ate up sack of shit in my life. It was only 15 degrees outside, it’s not like it was that cold…” Hahahahaha… Philip McCaffrey says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM How many Senior NCO’s and Officers expect Soldiers to use their personal cell phones or POV’s for official business? Wrong is wrong, but be consistent. Hands in our pockets is wrong, but so is cursing, wearing a “Charles Bronson” mustache, no-see socks, starching your uniform and a dozen other minute things that don’t make you any more or less of a Soldier. Maybe a Leader, but it starts from the top. We are Soldiers but also human. We had lives before and will have after the military. Is it necessary to kick someone out for hands in their pockets? There are two reasons for this: it was personal or there were others factors involved. No more paying for supplies, driving Soldiers around and other things that aren’t backed in any policy. Just like if We wanted to do something, it had to be in writing. If I chose to cancel my cell phone, would yo counsel me? Is it official business? How many minutes must I have on my bill? Be consistent, Leaders! Enforce “written policy”, not what you don’t like. I can’t tell my Soldier to have a cell phone, how much to spend to get the job done or a POV. We don’t get paid for phones, and other stuff. We don’t get a spouse, yet we get extra for being married. I’ve never seen “cell phone”, “chauffeur” or “POV” on my LES. We have become lazy and pawned it on our Junior Leaders Talk to your Soldiers, not text them. If you need something, don’t buy it. Order it! If you need a vehicle, don’t drive it. Dispatch it! Cean Houston says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM So this is the military version of The Onion right? Jerome Bailey Jr says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM I would like to see the outcome of this. There is no way they can enforce this. It is not in the AR670. He can correct him for it, even make him do stupid shit like hold a sign saying not to look like a shit bag, but there is no way he can discharge him without a court marshal unless the soldier agrees to a separation from service under honorable conditions. I had my hands in my pockets several times when I was out at pashmal south in Afghanistan or on the fob when the power was out and we had no heat, so why should I be punished if they are not able to keep us warm. Funny thing is if you look at other manuals they say to stick your hands under your arms, or close to the body or in the groin to prevent frost bite and frost nip. With 15 degree weather and a sharp wind there would be a reason for using the techniques taught to us from TM’S and field manuals. If it were me I would take it to court marshal and make this SM look like a jackass. Joe Mitchell says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM FINALLY! The Marines began their version of this program under the legendary “Chesty” Puller (so known due to the extra chest he had surgically attached to his shoulder to accommodate his ribbon stack) who set up a program under which enlisted Marines found with their hands in their pockets were returned to Boot to re-start their military careers, complete with an extra 8yrs of service tacked onto their contracts. Officers found with their hands in their pockets by another officer were to receive a “high-five” (a ritualized version of the Roman Salute in which hand-upon-hand contact is made – enlisted troops rarely witness this and indeed, many deny its existence) and if found by an enlisted Marine, they would receive the ultimate embarrassment of being corrected by a lower-rank. Of course this lower ranking Marine is henceforth doomed to stand duty on every 96 for the rest of their career… This, of course, is in line with the Marines almost compulsive need to appear more “squared away” than other services, and accompanies standing orders such as actually having one’s sense of taste literally slapped out of their mouth for walking while chewing or smoking, and forced electrolytic hair removal, and an accompanying tattoo of “UNSAT” across the forehead for any Marine found to not have the arbitrarily interpreted haircut and shave dimensions (or the dreaded “blood-shave,” in which a Marine attempting to shave perfectly goes too far and mangles his freakin’ face – which although appearing highly “moto” at first glance is indeed, UNSAT…) by a superior ranking Marine who has no friends and is mad at the Universe. These same Marines can usually be found trying to find a way to shine the currently issued uniform boots. A few of the Marines I talked to in the course of making this post expressed surprise that soldiers HAVE hands, as many Marines believe that the reason people join the Army is linked to a lack of one or both hands causing an inability to operate the standard-issue rifles and other weapons employed by the military. Most soldiers encountered by them had at least one of their goddamned hands in their pockets, and the other, if visible, usually carried a cigarette or a hotdog. Mark DePew says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM He likely wasn’t wearing his PT belt, either. Ty Fischer says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM that’s not what gets soldiers killed. Its our government who sends our boys to places we have no business being. How long were the Russians in Afganistan? Guess they didn’t learn anything from that. Mikey Knives says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM this shit is just too fucking funny. David Andersen says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM Sad, but I could really see this happening in today’s Army. Thomas J McEvilly says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM Sounds almost like reality. Brandon Smith says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM Finally. It’s about time a brave leader like this fine CSM upholds the standards. Lawrence S Payne says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM LMAO! Richard Cook says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM Air Force gloves! Charles Shuck says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM Idiots…The BN that is at Leonard Wood is the 92nd MP BN. Keenan Arodak says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM The dead giveaway that this is a spoof should be the fact that CSM was pissed about hands in the pocket and not the SGT walking on the grass in front of battalion. Pete Jones says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM I know a soldier here in Alaska who placed 2nd in the 400 mile Fireweed bicycle race last year and raced last night, performing quite well. He is a large fellow, maybe 6 ft and 250 pounds. Not only can he cruise the long distances, he also has a great sprint. The US Army says he is too fat and is ousting him. Luckily, he will still be able to do the Fireweed this year. I hope he wins outright! Bill Bonzer says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM Who’s pockets were his hands in? Ike Golani says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM If this is true tha CSM should buy himself some dam honor! Eugene Jaskar says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM this is ridiculous; discharged because his hands were in his pockets? the CSM should be discharged for having his head up his….. Justen Rollo says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM The guidelines of soldierly appearance are not entirely clear, but in a memo penned by Command Sergeant Major of the Army Raymond Chandler, the top enlisted leader pushed for non-commissioned officers Army-wide to crack. down on “soldiers looking like bags of smashed assholes.”. Read more: http://www.duffelblog.com/2013/01/soldier-discharged-for-having-his-goddamned-hands-in-his-pockets-says-csm/#ixzz2Z9dXdAWk. Follow us: @theduffelblog on Twitter | duffelblog on Facebook. Chase Roush says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM That son-of-a-bitch couldn’t keep his hands out of his pockets is worse than Hitler and would singlehandedly have lost The War On Terror, Global Warming, and Costly Oil for all of us! Larry Wayne says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM greatest website ever. lmao Tony Loyal says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM Yup, trust me, this is the type of shit that gets soldiers killed…LMAO! Kev Fenton says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM Did anyone else read the CSM quotes in the guys voice from Generation Kill? (Moos-tache haairs!) Timothy Jay Queen says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM What is the world coming to? It’s not hands in the pocket that gets soldiers killed, it’s no PT Belt or Eye Pro. Sgt Burnette would still be in the Army today if he asked the CSM where his belt and eye pro were. Mark Aldrich says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM LOVE THIS! Andrew Nace says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM While I know that this is a parody site, this is one of the many stories that could totally be real. Benjamin Simmons says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM amazing how many people fail to see that this site is parody… John Sehler says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM Unfortunate the Officer and Sgt. Major cannot distinguish between “hands in pocket” and “pocket pool”. Julio C. Driggs says: February 15, 2014 at 8:40 PM ad made me laugh. Thanks!