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Everyone Back Home Very Impressed By Deployed Soldier’s New Facebook Profile Photo

CINCINNATI, OH – A newly posted Facebook profile picture has friends, family, and loose acquaintances of Corporal Jake Spencer in awe of the recently deployed soldier’s rapid transformation into a steely-eyed warrior.

“How neat, honey! Just like the video games you never stopped playing in high school,” gushed one commenter on the post.

The entirely candid shot – which features Spencer, 22, carrying an M4 rifle that he undoubtedly employs in combat on a regular basis – hit newsfeeds just days after the valorous soldier’s arrival in country. It replaces a picture of Spencer at pre-deployment combat training, which sources confirm was also pretty sweet.

“Huh. I thought that kid was assigned to a logistics unit, but I must be confused,” said Specialist Tom Rodriguez, who went through boot camp with Spencer. “The guy in this picture obviously kills people for a living.”

“Wow, look at Spencer in Afghanistan!” said Mitch McNaylor, a wealthy investment banker who used to bully Spencer in high school. “He clearly knows something about life decisions that I don’t. I instantly regret ever being mean to him and would totally understand if he forgot to invite me to his welcome home party.”

Indeed, the picture has everybody back in Spencer’s native Cincinnati lauding their hometown hero.

“Can we all just agree to name a highway after this dude right now?” said Cincinnati Mayor Mark Mallory in a public address. “After all, it’s only because of badasses like him that we’re totally winning this thing.”

Perhaps most impressed of all is Lucy Wright, the cute and quirky barista that Spencer basically stalked for a full year prior to his deployment.

“Now that’s what I call a man,” Wright said, growing flush in the face and neck. “I’m going to click the ‘Like’ button to communicate in no uncertain terms that I’m saving myself for his return.”

At press time, the Army itself had recognized what a tremendously high-speed asset it had on its hands with Spencer and was in the process of transferring the young killer to an elite Special Forces team.

“Whoa, this dude looks like the real deal,” said the Command Sgt. Maj. from Spencer’s new unit, who had just left the 7th Special Forces Group. “Gosh, I sure hope he likes us.”

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Dennis St. Pierre
Guest
1 year 10 months ago

Fukin leg

Luis Lujan
Guest
1 year 10 months ago

Wtf!!! I feel dumb for reading this bullshit

Sam Fickel
Guest
1 year 10 months ago

Who is the real guy in the picture haha

Jeremy Williams
Guest
1 year 10 months ago

I can take a pic of any POG doin a Cpt Morgan while he is supposed to be in the safety of the office, way inside the base and say ‘he must be a killer!’ lol less that 15% of the entire military engages in combat or even sees it…just sayin.

Mack Williams
Guest
1 year 10 months ago

Of course it’s 3rd ID….

wpDiscuz

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