WASHINGTON, D.C. – First Lady Michelle Obama has challenged Asma al-Assad, wife of Syrian President Bashir al-Assad, to a sanctioned one night Pay-Per-View match for control of Syria’s Weapons of Mass Destruction (WMD).

“Asma al-Assad. Whatchagonnado when the Let’s Move! Coalition goes wild on YOU?” said the First Lady to television cameras broadcast worldwide. “I’ve been training for this day by eating healthy, being active and signing up for email newsletters about community events. And what have you been doing? Hiding in a bunker and not getting at least 30 minutes of exercise a day. WOOOH!”

Michelle Obama’s manager, Barack “The Bomba” Obama, stood by her side making exaggerated head nods and shouting “uh, Oooooh Yesssss!” as the First Lady spoke.