REPORT: Syrian President Bashar al-Assad Has A Smoking-Hot Wife

While the United States debates a military response to the Syrian government’s alleged use of chemical weapons on Aug. 21, Americans were shown this photo of Syrian President Bashar al-Assad with his wife, Asma, and asked for their thoughts. Here is what they said:

• “Would. Just without the whole gassing a neighborhood part. [Bashar] could have saved everyone a shitload of trouble by just retiring to some tropical island with stout asylum laws to bang his smoking hot wife for the rest of his days. Now he’s gonna get a Tomahawk in his bedroom window.”
• “9/10 would commit genocide with.”
• “Is that guy on the right Osama bin Laden?”
• “That woman is like Princess Jasmine, except when she rubs the bottle, poison gas comes out.”
• “I would absolutely breathe sarin gas just to have five minutes alone with her.”
• “He kind of looks like John Turturro. I almost think he’s about to say ‘nobody fucks with the Bashar.'”
• “The necklace was probably made from bones of dead civilians. It really accents her cheekbones.”
• “He seems like a nice guy.”