REPORT: Syrian President Bashar al-Assad Has A Smoking-Hot Wife

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While the United States debates a military response to the Syrian government’s alleged use of chemical weapons on Aug. 21, Americans were shown this photo of Syrian President Bashar al-Assad with his wife, Asma, and asked for their thoughts. Here is what they said:

  • “Would. Just without the whole gassing a neighborhood part. [Bashar] could have saved everyone a shitload of trouble by just retiring to some tropical island with stout asylum laws to bang his smoking hot wife for the rest of his days. Now he’s gonna get a Tomahawk in his bedroom window.”
  • “9/10 would commit genocide with.”
  • “Is that guy on the right Osama bin Laden?”
  • “That woman is like Princess Jasmine, except when she rubs the bottle, poison gas comes out.”
  • “I would absolutely breathe sarin gas just to have five minutes alone with her.”
  • “He kind of looks like John Turturro. I almost think he’s about to say ‘nobody fucks with the Bashar.'”
  • “The necklace was probably made from bones of dead civilians. It really accents her cheekbones.”
  • “He seems like a nice guy.”

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