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Sergeant On C-17 To Afghanistan Puking Like He’s About To Storm Normandy Or Some Shit

KABUL — A platoon sergeant on his first deployment to a combat zone is sitting in his seat on a C-17 aircraft puking and praying to God like he’s about to storm the goddamn beaches of Normandy or some shit, sources confirmed today.

“I looked over and saw him kiss the cross around his neck and start praying,” said Lance Corporal Michael Nellis. “Then I was like, shit. We haven’t gotten any ammo yet. I don’t want to die.”

Sgt. John Vagitis, 29, has been seen exhibiting nervous behavior throughout the short flight from Manas air base in Kyrgyzstan to Bagram Air Field.

Sources confirmed that Vagitis was seen looking at photos of his wife and kids, as if he was about to run a full frontal assault up Hamburger Hill in Vietnam, never to see them again. Later in the flight, he was also seen puking into a bag, mumbling something about “Johnny Taliban being everywhere.”

“I’m not exactly sure what his problem is,” said Private First Class Evan Rodriguez. “Going to Bagram is better than our shitty barracks in Hawaii.”

Moments after Rodriguez’s comments, Vagitis was seen rubbing an already faded picture of his wife, taken from a small locket he keeps in his shoe, like he’s not going to see her on Skype every night of the fucking week.

“What was that?! What the fuck was that noise?,” asked Vagitis, after a bump was heard — likely from turbulence —and not in any way close to the sound of a Taliban-fired DShK machine gun. “Are we under attack?”

At press time, the C-17 had landed safely at the massive air base and Vagitis was later seen at Green Bean cursing after spilling coffee all over the Bronze Star citation he was writing for himself.

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Gary Loepke

and you can put yourself in for a Purple Heart for straining your arm from patting yourself on the back. Vagitis sounds like an STD. funny that the story was all second hand info… I knew a guy that knew a guy that was actually there.

Ask Nod
Real Humor. On final coming into LS-20A upcountry in 70 (Laos) in an old C-46 Air America bird, a zipperhead put a few 12.7 DShK rounds through the fuselage. Those are big .50 cal. sized holes. The PIC dropped the gear, turned around and observed laconically for all of us to hear: ” Dang, I just had that Air Conditioning repaired.” No puking. No underwear mishaps. Everyone just lit up their Marbs. and stared straight ahead. Anyone with a flak jacket tucked it in closer around their balls. No barf bags on board. No conflustication. Not even so much as… Read more »
Nicholas Wilkins

Ha ha, Bravo ! Sgt Vagitis !!!!

Chad Weaver

Hey….this is supposed to be satire?!?

Jason River-Outlaw Blenden

This shit is REAL !! Never question the DB !!


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