Sebelius Threatens To Put VA In Charge Of Obamacare If Critics Don’t ‘Back The Fuck Off’

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Kathleen Sebelius

WASHINGTON, DC — Following yesterday’s disastrous Obamacare hearing on Capitol Hill, Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius has released a video message to Youtube where she warns: “Back the fuck off, or I’ll go nuclear.”

The so-called “nuclear option” has long been considered a red line for the administration. It would see Sebelius cede control of implementing the Affordable Care Act to the Department of Veterans Affairs.

“You think this is bad now? You think this is bad now?! You ain’t seen nothing!” Sebelius says in the two-minute video posted early this morning.

“They’ve [the VA] been in business for decades and have only a few million customers. It takes them six months just to lose your application. Their website is a Kafkaesque labyrinth straight out of Dante. You will fucking BEG me to be in charge again.”

“The VA takes strong men and women who’ve survived IEDs, privation, disease and in a matter of days breaks their spirit,” she continues. “Subpoena me one more time and I will fucking do it, bitches.”

At press time, VA Secretary Eric Shinseki was seen adjusting his beret and shifting uncomfortably in his seat when asked for comment.