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Pentagon Announces Pre-Deployment Training To Take Place In Detroit And Chicago

Soldiers patrolling in Flint, Michigan, or Mosul, Iraq, or Kabul, Afghanistan. We’re not totally sure.

THE PENTAGON — Troops headed overseas will soon be offered the most realistic combat training yet, as Pentagon officials announced late Friday that pre-deployment training would take place in Detroit and Chicago.

“We wanted to offer our soldiers and Marines realistic urban environments, a local populace that hates police and other government officials, and lots of gunfire,” said Lt. Col. Mike Hayes, an Army spokesman. “Hell, you hit more than those three if you walk in Flint, Michigan after dark.”

Pentagon sources confirmed that Detroit and Chicago offer much better training opportunities than built-up towns of conex boxes filled with actors playing Afghan insurgents.

“Instead, now we have an ultra-realistic city, bullets, and real gunshot wounds to soldiers who happen to roll into the wrong gang territory,” Hayes said. “Think of how much better our medics are going to be.”

In addition to gang retaliation and gunshot wounds, soldiers training at Detroit’s six-week infrastructure rebuilding and destabilizing course will learn to master providing electricity, water, and other basic services to the civilian populace while being stifled by realistic government corruption and mismanagement.

“I’m convinced that by the time these troops get overseas after training in these shitholes, Afghanistan will be a piece of cake,” Hayes said.

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Michael Edwards
Guest
2 years 1 month ago

This is Nov, 2013. Old news

Gene Kinnaly
Guest
2 years 5 months ago

will they be able to use live rounds?

Rose Corral
Guest
2 years 7 months ago

While I do find this story fascinating, I would like to know where or how you got this information. I see you gave Wikimedia Commons credit for the photos. But who do you give your credit to for this story? Or is this something that we just have to take your word on it? Because I tried to find more information on this and it seems like it all comes back to you. Further more, the name of the Armys Spokesman is George Wright. So please enlighten me.

Rose Corral
Guest
2 years 7 months ago

While I do find this story fascinating, I would like to know where or how you got this information. I see you gave Wikimedia Commons credit for the photos. But who do you give your credit to for this story? Or is this something that we just have to take your word on it? Because I tried to find more information on this and it seems like it all comes back to you. Further more, the name of the Armys Spokesman is George Wright. So please enlighten me.

Andy Watson
Guest
2 years 7 months ago

Outrageous!! Just another example of our government putting the slow squeeze on us and preparing us for socialism. How come this isn’t all over the Main Streamed Media. Come one people…get the word out!!!!!

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