They Need You At The Company Office Right Now

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THE BARRACKS — You need to get your ass to the company office right now, multiple sources at the barracks confirmed today.

Details are sketchy at this time, but fellow Marines are trying to locate you at this moment to let you know the first sergeant wants to see you.

Oh, and they think he’s really pissed and is reportedly shitting a brick house.

“Yeah dog, you better get your ass over there soonest,” said Lance Cpl. Philip Rodriguez, your roommate. “First Sergeant was all yelling something like, ‘that motherfucker better appear in front of my desk right fucking now,’ and ‘he’s not here yet?'”

Other eyewitnesses to first sergeant’s freakout confirmed to reporters that he was seen hurling furniture and furiously wiping the grease pencil off his laminated charge sheet.

“What the hell did you do?” said Cpl. Evan Miller, your team leader. “I’m not really sure what he wants, but I know you need to beat feet over to the office like, yesterday,”

In a related story, your platoon sergeant wants to beat the dog shit out of you.