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They Need You At The Company Office Right Now

THE BARRACKS — You need to get your ass to the company office right now, multiple sources at the barracks confirmed today.

Details are sketchy at this time, but fellow Marines are trying to locate you at this moment to let you know the first sergeant wants to see you.

Oh, and they think he’s really pissed and is reportedly shitting a brick house.

“Yeah dog, you better get your ass over there soonest,” said Lance Cpl. Philip Rodriguez, your roommate. “First Sergeant was all yelling something like, ‘that motherfucker better appear in front of my desk right fucking now,’ and ‘he’s not here yet?'”

Other eyewitnesses to first sergeant’s freakout confirmed to reporters that he was seen hurling furniture and furiously wiping the grease pencil off his laminated charge sheet.

“What the hell did you do?” said Cpl. Evan Miller, your team leader. “I’m not really sure what he wants, but I know you need to beat feet over to the office like, yesterday,”

In a related story, your platoon sergeant wants to beat the dog shit out of you.

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Clifford Dayton
I tried never to do something so wrong I needed to be called on the carpet for it. I remember one time getting called out for “insulting” a SGT who would not do her job. She got out and Married the Master SGT a few months later. Aaaa, now I get it. Another time I was balled out for telling two Marine to stay off pot. They said I did not know for sure the two Marines were smoking pot. It is a long story but I indeed know they were smoking pot but somehow they were passing the test.… Read more »
Michael Pressley

He wants to know why your sleeves are rolled up.

Derek Fargie

Haha, I can relate.

Rupertus MeanGirl

It is even better when you trick someone: “Hey, 1st Sgt needs to see you”. Some poor boot goes into the 1st Sgt’s office as ordered and gets his ass chewed for whatever bootness the 1st Sgt discovers.

Danny Meeker

No fucks were given this day.


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