CIA Agent Dennis Rodman Fails In Kim Jong-un Assassination Attempt Dick Scuttlebutt January 10, 2014 News 18 Comments WASHINGTON — In a startling development, emails leaked from the Central Intelligence Agency have revealed what many in the intelligence community have been whispering: Former NBA star Dennis Rodman’s recent “basketball diplomacy” trip to North Korea was actually a CIA mission to assassinate Kim Jong-un. “The plan was that U.S. military units would be ready to roll north across the DMZ as soon as they got wind that the mission was successful,” said a senior intelligence official. “We spent years secretly coordinating with top North Korean generals to stand their divisions down and hand us the keys to their chemical weapons. But like usual, Rodman had to screw it up. Now his cover is blown and years of effort are wasted.” Sources confirmed that Mr. Rodman’s trip to North Korea was in reality a high-risk covert operation, possibly even a suicide mission, targeting Kim for assassination. According to government documents, Rodman planned to assassinate the dictator at his birthday basketball exhibition game. The basketball star was later recorded by spy cameras in his hotel room practicing knife throwing and rehearsing the line, “Barack sends his regards, motherfucka!” Unfortunately, Rodman had too much to drink the morning of the game and appeared to lose his nerve at the last minute, breaking down in tears before the match began. “It had been a very stressful day. I had been drinking,” he said in a statement, released by his CIA handlers. Duffel Blog was unable to contact North Korean authorities for comment about the incident or confirm Rodman’s current whereabouts. A CIA spokesman was similarly unhelpful, stating that the agency “can neither confirm nor deny the status or identities of our operatives.” Zanib Malik says: April 25, 2014 at 7:40 PM A female superstar would be able to do this easily Nhà Quê says: April 11, 2014 at 4:54 PM fucking scam Justin Porta says: February 15, 2014 at 8:13 PM Is this a f@&$ing joke?! Mett Wayne Cormier says: February 15, 2014 at 8:13 PM LOL nice knowing you Rodman. Dude is gonna think this is as real as your intelligence. Deanna Opava Rosario says: February 15, 2014 at 8:13 PM You outed Trump! Where are the extremists crying foul and demanding investigations. Josh Noble says: February 15, 2014 at 8:13 PM I thought Rodman was executed after beating the midget in a game of HORSE. You can’t even keep your fake stories in line! Jeffery Balough says: February 15, 2014 at 8:13 PM Quick, someone tag Kim Jong Un’s Facebook profile! He might execute Dennis before he realizes it’s satire. Joel O'Brien says: February 15, 2014 at 8:13 PM Methinks the plan was to have Rodman and the Kimster shoot some hoops with an exploding basketball. Saheed Yusufu says: February 15, 2014 at 8:13 PM What’s even funnier is the fact that Fox News have corroborated this story. Michael Caulfield says: February 15, 2014 at 8:13 PM North Korean government is going to take this seriously and indict Dennis Rodman Dustin Haugh says: February 15, 2014 at 8:13 PM This is pretty irresponsible stupidity to write this. It may get a few men killed. Stupid stupid stupid Hibaq Noor says: February 15, 2014 at 8:13 PM Lol brilliant use of Trump as his right wingman. This is probably what he would have said if this was true…”u are a disaster Dennis. I gave u the chance to redeem yourself but again u did a crappy job and u died like a dog in the end. I believed in u but my instincts are obviously not always right. Look let’s face it…u are a moron Dennis and I don’t care that u are dead…u are fired!” Maria Jefferson says: February 15, 2014 at 8:13 PM Well isn’t that the way to get Rodman to stop going there, leak he’s a spy. Lol Steve Ballou says: February 15, 2014 at 8:13 PM First Snowden, now Dick Scuttlebut. David Conn says: February 15, 2014 at 8:13 PM You don’t suppose Rodmadman could kill the raccoon on that other dudes head? Rick Cook says: February 15, 2014 at 8:13 PM Great. Kim Jong-Un will probably read this, completely not get the concept of satire, and execute Rodman. Which I suppose wouldn’t be a major loss. Nathan Bowman says: February 15, 2014 at 8:13 PM Watch ole kimmy take this seriously and have him executed next time.