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Actual issue preview

This week in American power projection: the map was wrong, the dorms were fine, and the travel card was for official purposes.

Story Roundup

Pentagon casualties, metric improvement, and Fat Leonard’s least dignified phase.

Situation Report

A State Department map that relocated most of Africa, one ambitious government travel card, and 5,200 medical students moved from dorms that definitely do not have mold.

Veteran decides to start running again, next Thursday morning

PORTLAND, OR — Earlier today, local Army veteran Thomas Swanson made the mental decision to pick up running again, but not today. He will likely begin next Thursday morning, or maybe Saturday, depending on how early he wakes up.

"I've really gotten out of shape, man," said Swanson, a former paratrooper who used to sometimes run six miles a day.

Swanson, a now-275 lb overweight man proud to be a former member of the 82nd Airborne who once had washboard abs, spoke with reporters from his mother's basement while surrounded by exercise equipment only used by physically-fit spiders.

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