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Sailor Stays In Navy To Continue Going To College

NORFOLK — A sailor onboard USS George H.W. Bush has re-enlisted in the Navy so he can continue his college education through Navy College Program for Afloat College Education (NCPACE) classes to earn his bachelor’s degree, sources confirmed.

So far, Boatswain’s Mate Third Class Joseph Watt has taken three classes — Spelling, Geography, and Third Grade Math —  but he thinks he’s ready to take the most challenging course available, Reading Books Without Pictures. He expects to earn his Bachelor’s degree from an accredited university in two years.

“I thought about getting out, taking the GI Bill, and going to college,” Watt said, “But then my Chief told me I could go to college while I was in the Navy. He’s right, a classroom on a warship is the same quality of education and just as much fun as going to a university.”

After recieving assuraces he would be provided opportunity to go to every class, Watt was forced to miss several. He missed four classes by being forced to do work that “was more important,” missed three while standing watch, and missed another while standing another sailor’s watch so they could go to class. These unexcused absences have dropped him down two letter grades.

“He made the right choice,” said Boatswain’s Mate Chief Alden Blane said. “Anyone who gets out to go to college must not know you can go to college while you’re in the Navy. For example, I’ve been in sixteen years and I’m working on my Associate’s.”

“There’s no reason to get out,” Blane continued, “The military’s just what you make it. You have to think of the good things. Not every ship is this bad, and not every boss you have is going to be such a jerk.”

At press time, Blane was seen hurling verbal abuse and gay epithets at everyone in his department.

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[…] Frisbee, sources confirmed that Peters visibly berated himself for neglecting the pursuit of a higher education, only to be struck by the realization that the dynamics of military service rarely progress beyond […]

Josh Noble

The Navy loves you and wants you to be happy. Just stay in 20 years, and you can be swaddled like a helpless baby and be cared for as one too. Who needs the freedom of being able to choose your job and control your life? It’s too difficult. Yes, Mommy Navy has everything taken care of. Just don’t question it.

John Sehler

Why was Blane only issued a bar of soap and taught to “Assume the Position” after he signed up for another hitch With a sign on his back that sez “Sea Pussy”

Dusty Larson

Hahah this article speaks volumes….I managed to get an associates only after pulling very, very late nights. When I was a recruiter I think I almost managed to complete 4 classes the whole 30 months doing it, an additional two I had to drop because I was nearly getting in accidents driving a gov around to high schools and my wife was always angry.

Erich Maria de Villiers

You misspelled “assuraces” there.


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