Officer Fixes Problem Soldier By Transferring Him To Another Command

67

COLUMBUS, GA — The executive officer of the 36th Engineering Group fixed the recurring discipline problems of a junior soldier by transferring him to a different command, sources confirmed today.

Lt. Col. Hank Strauss, executive officer of the 36th Engineer Group, improved the lackluster performance of Private First Class Roger Attell by sending him to the 43rd Engineer Battalion.

“Specialist Attell was really difficult to work with,” Strauss said. “He had terrible evals, showed up drunk several days a week, and has been reduced in rank twice. NCO’s were telling me it was easier just to send him back to the barracks than to have to deal with him. I decided something serious had to be done to turn him around so I sent him somewhere else.”

The transfer is in keeping with DoD Directive 2341.21, which requires the movement of service members who become “problems” within their units. The most famous example came in 2007, when President Bush transferred “troubled officer” Gen. George Casey from commanding all coalition forces in Iraq to a position as Army Chief of Staff. 

“I’ll admit, I was a screw up back in the 36th,” Attell told reporters following his transfer. “I was unreliable, wouldn’t do my work, and disobeyed orders all the time. Now that I’ve been given a fresh start with a new unit, I’m going to be a changed man. The colonel even told me he was excited to have me there.”

“It’s great to receive PFC Attell,” said Col. John Richardson, commanding officer of the 43rd Engineer Battalion. “We were shorthanded so I asked Strauss for an extra soldier.”

Looking at Attell’s service record, Richardson said, the unit “couldn’t have received a better guy.”

“We were struggling to get all our work done before Attell got here, and now that we have to devote extra manpower just to watch him, we’re going to be much better off,” he added.

As Attell left the 36th, NCO’s and officers reportedly danced, cheered, and drank to celebrate getting rid of “that dumb motherfucker.”