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Officer Fixes Problem Soldier By Transferring Him To Another Command

COLUMBUS, GA — The executive officer of the 36th Engineering Group fixed the recurring discipline problems of a junior soldier by transferring him to a different command, sources confirmed today.

Lt. Col. Hank Strauss, executive officer of the 36th Engineer Group, improved the lackluster performance of Private First Class Roger Attell by sending him to the 43rd Engineer Battalion.

“Specialist Attell was really difficult to work with,” Strauss said. “He had terrible evals, showed up drunk several days a week, and has been reduced in rank twice. NCO’s were telling me it was easier just to send him back to the barracks than to have to deal with him. I decided something serious had to be done to turn him around so I sent him somewhere else.”

The transfer is in keeping with DoD Directive 2341.21, which requires the movement of service members who become “problems” within their units. The most famous example came in 2007, when President Bush transferred “troubled officer” Gen. George Casey from commanding all coalition forces in Iraq to a position as Army Chief of Staff. 

“I’ll admit, I was a screw up back in the 36th,” Attell told reporters following his transfer. “I was unreliable, wouldn’t do my work, and disobeyed orders all the time. Now that I’ve been given a fresh start with a new unit, I’m going to be a changed man. The colonel even told me he was excited to have me there.”

“It’s great to receive PFC Attell,” said Col. John Richardson, commanding officer of the 43rd Engineer Battalion. “We were shorthanded so I asked Strauss for an extra soldier.”

Looking at Attell’s service record, Richardson said, the unit “couldn’t have received a better guy.”

“We were struggling to get all our work done before Attell got here, and now that we have to devote extra manpower just to watch him, we’re going to be much better off,” he added.

As Attell left the 36th, NCO’s and officers reportedly danced, cheered, and drank to celebrate getting rid of “that dumb motherfucker.”

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Josh Noble

In the Navy, this is known as “Hookups for Fuck ups.” Wanna go to MWR? Just don’t qualify anything and marry someone two paygrades higher (true story).

Matt Blackburn

should have kicked his ass out! doesnt want to be at work, why waste tax dollars and pay you. should have been terminated

Roger Molett

I think this article is about me 30 years ago. They only changed the surname and service.

Troy Barnhill
This kind of happened to me when I got out of the army haha , I went to work for a steel fabrication company and I hated it , there wasn’t any chance to move up so I just did my job and collected my paycheck , come layoff time I was on the chopping block and when I was told I was laid off I asked if I could help out their rebar division , they said yes so I went to work there and with two months the foreman won something like $250,000 on the lottery and he… Read more »
Charles Harris

I think they forgot the part where his paperwork is lost/mangled, so the new command gives him the benefit of the doubt and pins him E5 upon arrival. That might only be for drunks that are also PT failures though.


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