THE PENTAGON — A U.S. Air Force A-10 Warthog ground attack plane was seen sulking and sobbing on the sidelines of the Pentagon’s sporting complex, after it was completely cut from the national defense team on Monday.
“I work my ass off out there. I practice more than half these guys,” said the A-10 in between sobs. “How the hell could they choose the F-35 over me? For a so-called ‘stealth fighter’, he sure is getting intercepted a whole heck of a lot.”
While picking teams for its annual scrimmage against North Korea, the U.S. National Security team picked the Global Hawk drone, the F-35, and budget levels from before World War II. Forced to sit and watch from the bench were the A-10, the U-2 spy plane, and thousands of soon-to-be unemployed soldiers and Marines.
“They’ve got a fucking tank on the team. A TANK. But they don’t pick me?” A-10 asked reporters. “What kind of bizarro world are we living in?”
At press time, Air Force Chief Gen. Mark Welsh was seen pushing the A-10 into a locker and stealing its lunch money.