CAMP PENDLETON — Four Marines assigned to a working party are doing neither right now, sources confirmed today.
The group of Marines, three lance corporals and a private first class, were told by their platoon sergeant early this morning to go to the armory for a working party. After roughly 13 minutes of actual work — cleaning crew-served weapons systems such as the M2 .50 caliber machine-gun — the group transitioned to a strange new state of existence in space and time, where they were neither working, nor partying.
“One could argue that we are indeed working right now,” said Lance Cpl. Jason Ackman, as he slowly brushed the same spot on the barrel of the machine-gun repeatedly for the last 45 minutes. “I personally don’t really think so, and we’re definitely not partying.”
Shortly after arrival at the armory, the group “instantly” took action when hit with the realization they were given an actual task and not just random busy work.
“We told the PFC to get to work, and all three of us [Lance Corporals] took turns supervising him in between breaks from texting our girlfriends,” said Lance Cpl. Brett Schmidt.
One Marine sat starting blankly at a wall, apparently having lost any remaining connection to the task at hand. At random intervals, he would make observations about time, existence, and consciousness, though the other Marines agreed that the statements were meaningless.
“He’s just a little burned-out,” explained Lance Cpl. Richard Donovan. “It happens to everyone on working party at some point or another.”
“All life is suffering and suffering is temporary, therefore life is fleeting, and the self is an illusion,” said the dazed Marine, addressing no one.