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Gen. Odierno Places Third In Odierno Lookalike Contest


THE PENTAGON — Army Chief of Staff Gen. Raymond Odierno placed third in an Odierno lookalike contest, sources confirmed today.

The event, held Friday afternoon, was held as part of a “Better Opportunities for Single Soldiers” outreach festival on the Pentagon lawn, and included concerts by The Black Keys and Robert Earl Keen. Attendees munched on hot dogs and nachos and collected flyers for singles events such as rock climbing, mud runs and paintball matches.

According to his staff, Odierno only entered the “Chief of Staff Lookalike” contest as a joke, but quickly became genuinely interested in winning the event when it appeared he would not fare well.

“It was a fun time, just a bit of a laugh, you know, but the Chief is still in his heart that young infantry platoon leader, and when it looked like he might not win, his competitive side came out,” confirmed Odierno’s aide de camp and assistant sycophant, Col. J.B. Barton.

Odierno was disappointed that he lost in the final round, Barton confided, but accepted it with grace and dignity. He even volunteered to present the first and second place medals to the recipients. The first place winner was a billiard cue ball, and second place was a circumcised penis.

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